Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Will cook for a man.... or NOT

It's been like 10 months since my last blog!???!  I guess I lost my touch.

I saw someone say... well I read someone's comment on one of the various social mediums I use that read "Ladies LEARN HOW TO COOK... The way to a man's heart is sometimes through his stomach."

First off,  shout out to the guy who wrote that, for even bothering to say that it's 'sometimes' through his stomach, because for years, I have always heard people just say the way IS through his stomach... NOT  sometime, NOT 'may be,' NOT 'could be,'  just IS. 

Basically: You will never get a man unless you cook for him.

Maybe

Maybe not


I could care less about the saying, I just started pondering, what if that isn't your goal. That isn't your end game, to land a man. I think I'm in the minority, aside from my lesbian friends, of females who are not in search of a man.  But this very saying will prevent it from happening for me anyway.  I don't volunteer to cook for ANYONE, EVER, and I'm definitely not going to cook for you unless I like you.   I don't cook for people to get them to like me. You don't like me, so what, I don't care.   That just isn't something I do.    If that keeps me single, well then that's the way it's supposed to be. 


FIN.


Future Spinster







(my meals will be prepared  FOR me in the old folks home)
HA!

Saturday, January 05, 2013

BOLDLY SPEAKING: QUIT EXAGGERATING

Exaggeration has seemed to become a thing of normalcy.  We exaggerate everything, LOL... I'm not even laughing... at all... SEE.  I think 2013, should be the year where we bring that to a hault. 

Stop saying your LOL, when you're NOT.
Stop saying everything is epic, "thee most blah blah blah...," amazing (what the hell is amaze-balls by the way?!)....It's really NOT
The only time it's that... is if you don't use that phrase to describe EVERYTHING else nincompoop.

Go get a dictionary...thesaurus... THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT... there's several and broaden your adjective vocabulary, because it is EPICALLY, THEE MOST AMAZINGLY  annoying thing  to hear you say, REPEATEDLY... seriously...we mimic you when you're not around... and giggle.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Say NO to holiday sweaters (reblog from Dec. 2007)

Say NO to holiday Sweaters!!!

Wowwy!!! Wow Wow!!!!! First new blog in exactly 1 month!!! 
Oh well, you people don't read this shit anyway.
But I still have something to say.

   I have patriotic socks, halloween socks, Christmas socks, a handband with disco balls on it, a little plastic tiara, a cape, a grass skirt with a coconut bra (which wouldn't fit half on one of my boobs in it), a couple of playboy bunny ears and tails, a couple of masks, mardi gras beads, a rack of cowboy hats, Hawaiian leis,  a cowgirl outfit, a Bat Girl suit, a few Santa Claus hats, some reindeer antler headbands, etc...you get it. I'm into dressing up, but...
So!!!!
Okay... I have a lot of costumes, costume accessories, and dress up things, but here is where I absolutely positively draw the line:



NOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
I won't do it.  I refuse!!!!

Look at this goofy shit!!!!!! She was probably a hot lady on the town, until she put this shit on.

...and how lame is that!!!!
It's just so.....so.....soooo.......corny.  If you're above the age of 10, after you put this shit on, it ages you by like 20-25 years.  You look like you should be sitting in a rocking chair in some corner with a quilt on your lap and some knitting needles.  Who wants to be grown and looking like a fifth grade arts and crafts project.... on purpose!!!
Look at this shit!!! You can't  pair a hot outfit or some fly ass shoes with this!!!!

You'll look like a jackass!!!!!

And they have this shit for every holiday!!!!



I'm sorry.  It's just not gonna happen.  Unless I'm PURPOSELY trying to be a goofball. Maybe one pumpkin, or one tree, but all of that other stuff... Not until I get to that age, where I never go anywhere, it's hot as hell in the house, yet I'm always cold. 
NOPE!!!!!... I'm good.



...and I'm Spent!

Blogosaurus Rex
B.K.A.
Ms. Kane if you're nasty!

Fashion Fuddy Duddy: THIS could be/become YOU (Reblog from May 2007)

What ever happened to that cool ass dude?


...The one who now wears the tightest jeans ever and you can see his wallet,or rather his billfold, in his back pocket --EVEN when it isn't there.
His pants are entirely too much of a tailored fit.

....and they're way up on their waists,

 making them have "longass" in the back.
or
What ever happen to the hot lady?

.....Who now wears the mom jeans (from the Saturday Night live Skit).


You know, the ones that make you look like you have crackless booty in the front?
What happened to these people?
Once a upon a time they were happening, cool, fly, even sexy.  Then one day, the men just decide, " I want my pants to stop right at my ankles and I'm gonna wear thick ass gym socks with loafers and my peg leg jeans all the time."
...and I need to carry a big ass wallet with receipts from 2 years ago and expired coupons and library card in it---IN MY BACK pocket in a BILLFOLD---yes.  then when I sit down,  one side of my body is propped up.  Oh well, I'll just cross my leg and lean to the side.
Then I'll tuck every single style of shirt into my pants--that's the ticket!!!
Black socks and brown sandals , ALL DAY--- Bitch!!!!!!
Oh... and the women are no better.
I saw a woman today wearing white shorts ---which wasn't the problem.
The problem was the rest of her outfit.  white folded down socks and black sandals and A TURTLE NECK!!!
WHAT the fuck!!!!!!
......and a black, Ms. Celie from "The Color Purple" sun hat.
Women......
....since when do dress shoes go with sweatsuits?
...why are  women wearing stockings that don't even match their skin-tone, with everything?
---embroidery!!!!!! 35 years old!!!! HUH!!!!  You look like a walking doilie.
All, I'm saying is I never want to be one of these weird ass older people.  If you ever catch me coming out of the house like that please DO SOMETHING!!!
I understand dressing for comfort, and that as some people get older they value other things more that fashion.  But you don't have to spend alot to look put together and you don't have to be uncomfortable to be dressed nicely or at least normally.
But you look like a nut!

...and REMEMBER....





THIS could happen to YOU!

Ms. Kane if you're nasty.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

BOLDLY SPEAKING: How to fold a fitted sheet

SIMPLY GRAB TWO CORNERS (AT THE CURVED EDGES) IN EACH HAND , THEN BRING BOTH HANDS TOGETHER--- AND FOLD IT HOWEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO.  UNLESS YOU WORK AT A SHEET FACTORY, WHO THE HELL IS JUDGING BASED ON THIS CRITERIA?

HOW ABOUT TAKE THE SHEET, PULL IT OVER THEIR HEAD AND BUST THEM IN THE HEAD WITH A PILLOW A FEW TIMES. THEN TELL THEM TO FOLD THE DAMN SHEET.

New Blog SERIES called "BOLDLY SPEAKING"

I know people don't like to read, so, in this new series of blogs I'm about to start doing:


I'm gonna keep it short and concise and IN BOLD PRINT (hence the title) like those pictures of words that you all love to post so much on FB and Instagram.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

"Whatever! Whatever!! I'll do what I want!"- Eric Cartman

How many of you are doing what you want in life?
You're at the job that you aimed for, making the money that you desired, living the life that you planned.
How many of you just work, because it's necessary for survival?
How many of you don't have a job, yet you're getting by?
You must have some means going for you or you'd probably not be on the internet reading this bullshit, nonetheless...
What does this all mean?
As a child, most people, well some people, grow up seeing the adults in their life going to work.  That's usually how you're being taken care of.  So, naturally when you grow up---if you move out on your own---you'll probably have to get some sort of job to cover your living expenses.  This is what adults do, right?  They have to, right?
They run the world.


They drive the buses, run the subway trains, build stuff, police, teach, sweep, wash, dust, type, deliver the mail, stock the shelves, fix the cars, cook and sell the food, fly the plane, secure the office building,  take the orders, answer the phones, write the stories, operate the camera, walk the dogs, keep the babies, guard the pool, cut and style the hair, run the cash register....
  
In short, they work.
They're doing what you're required to do, right?---in order to function in life.
End of story, right?

No.
Why is it, then, that there is such a judgement placed on what type of job one does?
When you see acquaintances or associates or whatever, whom you do not see on a regular basis, why are they always so interested in, "What are you doing now?" 
I see you for the first time in 10 years and all you can say is, "What are you doing now????"
umm..........Working. Dickhead.
What the fuck do you think I'm doing?  I'm a fucking adult now, just like you.  What the fuck are you doing?  The same thing, right?  I mean,  it's not like you happened upon me rifling through a garbage can, wearing a barrel with suspenders, down on skid row.  Why ask that question?  I find it a tad nosey, especially if its a short encounter and we're not even talking about work.
I'll tell you what it is:  Judgement
People ask, what you're doing so that they can judge you based on what your answer is.
I once told someone, what I did, and they gave me the embarassed/pity look. 

I could've punched them dead in the face.  What the fuck does that mean? Oh, you're in Med School?  So!!! What the fuck is that supposed to mean.  My life sucks. You're better than me and I should bow down to you. "Oh, my! Such a lowly peasant 'tis I to be in your presence."  Sheee--it!  I don't give a fuck!!!  I'm happy for you, but what of it.

I, especially, am not fond of, repeat offenders.  They are those people you see occasionally, who ask you the same question, "What are you doing now?", every time that they see you.  I just saw you on Memorial Day, it's the 4th of July---WHAT do you think I'm doing, switching jobs every holiday?
 The repeat offenders, are often the ones who do suddenly recall what you do, with a little bit of cynicism in their voice.

 "Oh, yeah, you're still at the Auto Place?"  As, if they had given you some sort of timetable to remove yourself from that position.
I hate pry-ers anyway.  You see me on the street and you want the quickest way into my business.  That's why I am as vague as possible when I answer questions from them.  You should see the look on people's faces when they give the "What are you doing now?"
The Pry-er:  Hey!!
Me: Hey. How are you doing?
The Pry-er: Fine. What are you doing, now?
Me: (Thinking: Work... What the fuck do you think, dumb ass?) Oh, just working.  How's everything going? 
I never ask that question. In general passing by conversations.  I don't like to intrude.  I figure-- if you really want me to know, you'd have told me.  Otherwise we can go on with lives, as usual, even for another 10 years. Looks like you've got your health, so all of that other stuff, I couldn't care less about.  Unless, it's specific.  Like,  I get a glimpse of a badge under a jacket.  "Hey, you're with the police now?" But even then, still might not ask. Maybe I wasn't supposed to see that.  ---If a person wants you to know, they'll tell you.
What are you doing now?
I hate that shit.  If that's all you want to know, don't even bother to speak to me.  You're feelings are going to get hurt, when I say, "Work, bitch!" Then give you thw What the fuck face.
And if one more person tries to coax me into becoming a teacher when I have adamantly stated that "I DO NOT WANT TO BE A TEACHER"---I don't know what I will do (it might involve at least one of my fists...or perhaps open-hand, we'll see)  You know, usually its someone who isn't even a teacher trying to make me become one (what gives).  If they were, I might at least understand where they were coming from.  It's like  people aren't satisfied with me doing what I'm doing. It's offensive--it's like saying you're not good enough, doing what you're doing.  But... er... uuuuh! Who's paying my bills, again?  Oh yeah....ME!!! Fuck off!!!

Just because I don't do what you think I should be doing for a living, it doesn't make me less of a person. And, it doesn't give you the right to judge me.  What's wrong with people?  Why do they do that?  This is why people would rather collect government assistance; and rob, cheat and steal than work at Mc'Donalds.  'Cause you're uppity ass will look down on them. But if there wasn't someone standing behind these counters how would you get your Mc'Griddle or your light caramel macciato or your dry cleaning, or you tictacs and tv guide.  Then what would your dumb ass do then?  There's all sorts of jobs out there, and somebody's got to do it.
So, here's a tip.  You see an acquaintance or an associate you haven't seen in a while.  Try keeping the conversation light.  "Hey, How ya doing? How's everything going?  Seen any of the old gang?  What brings you to this area? " Hell, if you keep it simple---the answer your nosey ass wants just might pop up, by default. "Oh, I work across the street.  I'm an accountant."
'Cause, I'm telling you that long "Heeeey! What are you doing now?"  is a little bit intrusive and off-putting. It says, I hardly even know you. I just walked up to you and all in I'm in your business---You can't be demanding information up front. I don't hang out with or really know you like that anymore--you could be trying to rob me. Some people will just give the information up willy-nilly.  But really, it's kind of rude.
Maybe I don't want you to know what I'm doing.  Maybe I can't  tell you what I'm doing, or I'll have to kill you.
Just for being nosey and judgmental....
....now you've made the situation way more awkward than it had to be.


...and I'm spent.
Ms. Kane if you're nasty.

The WORST JOBS EVER! (re-blog 07' STILL relevant))

There are three jobs that I would never want to have.  You might think of them as jobs, but I see these same people day in and day out, doing the same shit.   I ain't never doing that shit.  NOT NEVER!!! 

Crackhead, drunks, and Dope dealers keep some long hours.  I would never want to have any of those positions.  Think about it.  When I'm out trying to carpe diem (seize the day) at 4-5 am, who's there? 
Crackheads:

Standing on the corner waiting for who knows what, walking back and forth looking at you like YOU called their name--- then walking away really fast again, searching for rocks and other drug debris on the curb and in bushes, where the dope boys hang out, pushing a grocery cart and trying to sell you useless stuff, trying to borrow shit that ain't borrow-able (a shoe lace, one battery, a plastic hanger, a dvd case--not the dvd, just the case), falling asleep looking like a broken marionette---

then waking up suddenly and scaring the shit out of people, riding the bus singing and asking for money, and all of the rest of that crackish shit that they do. 
It's a nowhere job.
1. The pay sucks.  It costs you more than you earn, if you can even can even manage to earn anything in your life, between all of the other crackhead shit you have to do.
2.  There's no benefits and chance for upward advancement. 

When, your lips are cracked and dry, there's no free chapstick in the breakroom. There's usually two basic levels: crackhead and crackwhore. There's no senior level crack house supervisor positions available.  Although, maybe a regular crackhead is better than a crack whore, but then again not really, because at some point in time, depending on circumstance, and crackhead could potentially be a crack whore, and vice versa.  DEAD END JOB.
3.  The hours are KILLER.  You're always working---wroking to get that next high, which is (so I hear) never as good as the first one.  Then you achieve a good enough high, only to come back down and have to start from scratch again.  You do sometimes have required vacations, but their usually NOT fun---

rehab and jail (withdrawal and looking raggedy).


Dope Dealers 
You might see some fly guys and fake ballers, but the risk is too heavy.  DC remember Rayful Edmonds. 

They might not get you now, but they WILL get you.  
1. Pay---depends on you, but you always owe someone, or someone is just out to take yours. Your risk is way HEAVY.
2. Upward Mobility: yeah,there are levels, but the stakes are high for even the entry ones.  You're a lowly peon? You fuck up? ---an example could be made of you.

You high in the chain---everybody wants a piece of you, either

or

3. Dope boys work some long ass hours.  They usually have to be on their feet, like hairdressers all day AND they have to work in the elements like prostitutes--- "RAIN, SLEET, OR SNOW, BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!!!" They're always subject to harrassment during work, from neighbors who don't want them in their community, and police. Then, think about it.  They gotta be up before the crackheads and out late for the crackheads. That's alot to deal with.
Drunks

Their hours are a little more normal, but again only because sleep comas and black outs inevitably will come.
1. The pay is minimal and depends on circumstances--- the daily drunks are usually relying on some sort of income, disability money, social security money, government subsidy street exchange (you know, they let you use their food stamp card in exchange for cash), or panhandling--- which CAN be hard work.  If you work, the you probably spend half of the days work on a 5th of Hennessy. Then you'll probably lose the rest of your money betting people that you CAN do shit, "Cuz I ain't muh-duh- fuckin' jrunk!" OR You'll probably get robbed, 'cause you're drunk, or just lose the shit PERIOD-- 'cause  you're drunk.  So, you see, no money in this!!!!!
2.  There is no room for advancement, unless you're talking about the advancement of cirrhosis of the liver.

   
Unfortunately, the more advanced, the lower your position. Of course you could go from stumbling and mumbling to falling and brawling, and sometimes vice versa (between blackouts)----but neither of them are good.  You could even turn into a drunken whore or possibly end up a prison whore (um....butt rape)

See, no upward mobility---unless your talking about upchuck.

Once again....
3. The hours vary, and pretty much depend on the kind of drunk you are.  If your a working alcoholic, meaning you actually go to a job, then get blitzed when you get off--THAT'S OVERTIME!!! If you're a park bench drunk or full-time drunk, it could be an all day/all evening affair.  Wake up, get buzzed, afternoon plastering, park bench/bus stop/street corner blackout nap, wake up, return to buzz, etc..... A VICIOUS CYCLE--SWEATSHOP HOURS!!!

No benefits.  No free replacement drawls for when you piss your pants in your drunken stupor.
 I don't want to do none of this shit, EVER!!!!
NOT NEVER!!!!


...I'm Spent!

Tattatouille (re-blog Aug. 07')

Tattoos.
Tats for short.
Body Art.
Ink.
Whatever you want to call it.
I kind of like to think of them as accents rather than mere accessories.  
OR
Natural accessories---'cause once you get them ---they will be there, no matter what you put on.
At first, I was thinking, well... you wouldn't wear them everywhere on your body, like regular accesories, but then I REMEMBERED...


So....
Nevermind.
What was I saying....oh yeah....accents.  I like to use mine as accents; it's like adding a pretty pin to a simple blouse or outfit, or some fancy cuff links.  It's like, instead of having a regular brown back, how about, a couple of stars here and there, a sun, a moon. A nice little picture or scene.  That's what I have on my back.
Accents; some stars, flowers, a picture, symbol,  a portrait--if you feel the need to use your whole canvas; or whatever you choose, that is, if you choose to do this. 
If tattooing isn't your thing, cool.
But if it is, how much is too much?  Or to what degree?
 

 
See?.....regular clothes.....weird..... uh.....
.....um.....

yeah....to each his own.....but I can't help but think "What the hell do you do for a living?  Where the hell do YOU work?
Then, when you try to wear normal outfits, it looks weird.  If you're going to do stuff like tat or pierce your whole body up--it better be a lifestyle choice.  You know what society we have, at least here in the U.S.  Don't go trying to put on a sweater vest and some penny loafers or some frilly dress (unless it's your angle to perplex people).   You're going to look even crazier than .... you look.  Not that I'd necessarily have a problem with it, after the initial shock of course, but "THE MAN" would.
can however appreciate their creativity and nerve.
I wonder how some people come up with this shit:
 

..  

...UMMM... ????



 
 

Again....To each, his own, but I just wonder, that's all.
And how about the tramp stamp?  Hey, don't get mad at me, I didn't make up the name.  I've also discovered that they're also sometimes referred to as butt antlers, ho tags, whore brands and California License plates.  Damn!!!
..and did you know there's scientific knowledge behind this?
This is from the Urban Dictionary:
"Fair or unfair, these tattoos have a socially constructed connotation associated with them. These women are labeled as tramps, whores, or other derogatory sexually promiscuous terms. Although these are often bias generalized claims, there have been sociological studies done by the American Psychological Association, Federal Bureau of Prisons, and other demographic researchers showing strong correlative evidence associating tattoos with high risk behavior, illegal substance abuse and sexual promiscuity. These risk factors are greatest in the age range which these types of tattoos are gaining main stream popularity. Some have also jokingly stated that by 2050, the "tramp stamp" will be renamed the "gramp stamp".
DAMN!!!!!
I thought it was just some sort of nasty joke, that spread.
My bad ladies!!!!
Anyhoo, the lower back is still an ever popular location where females get tattooed, and can you blame them? 
 
 

 
 They don't really make shirts that cover your entire torso anymore, and pants no longer go all the way over your ass.  Hell, they halfway don't even make jackets that cover your torso anymore. I guess you might as well accent the flesh that's always showing.
But, as long as there's something peaking out, these so-called tramp-stamp avoiders or haters will still be interested in peeking.
But do pull your pants up and TRY to avoid butt cleavage.

I think that one should exercise some sort of rational thinking when contemplating ink. Tattoos are PERMANENT, so think ahead.  Some shit is just dumb.
 
Dumbass....is probably trying to get a job at Roy Rogers now. 
 
What do you like chairs, is this your fave?   Why is a dick on a man's arm?
What the fuck!!!!! and Why!!!!!
Think of it this way:
Will you still like your tattoo when the sytem crashes?

This motherfucker was just bored.
You know, that when the show finally goes off the air, you'll have to explain this shit all of the time or never wear shorts.
You don't want to get stuff that's subject to change, i.e. your boy/girlfriend's name, your favorite tv show, those glocks, and assault rifles, and bloody skeletons---the grandkids will never visit in the sumer, for fear that you'll take off your shirt.

DAMN!!!!

....and you know what's the worst!!!!
I know he was MAD!!!!!
../03/10/images/thumb_tattoo.jpg"> Once again, MAD!!!!
Just because it's another language, somebody will know.  Plus you'll know.
WRONG SPELLINGS ARE THE WORST!!!!
Think of it this way. 
Are you going to be proud of your tattoo in 25, 30 years? 
Are you even gonna like Craig's dumb ass next month?
What if your favorite sports franchise is sold to another market and renamed?
What if "Basura" really does mean trash like Hector said, and not tough like the dude told me?  DAMN!!!
Yeah, you could get it burned off with laser removal, but that shit ain't cheap and it can leave uglier scars.
OR
You could have another tattoo artist recreate it into something you DON'T hate.
OR Just think it over clearly, from the beginning.
They have glow in the dark ink, too now.



So, now you can look like you have vitiligo in the dark (from a distance), or like some one drew on you with gel pins.
Bottom line, just do yourself a favor and:
THINK BEFORE YOU INK!

Ms. Kane if you're nasty!