I'm sitting in my normal spot, the second row of double occupancy seats that face the front of the bus. This way I can keep to myself and don't have to worry about people stepping on my shoes, because there is another forward facing seat in front of me. I'm very sensitive about people stepping on my shoes. I'm next to the window in the seat reading "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, awesome book!!! Anyway, the bus stops and I just happened to glance up and Tyrone Biggums (you know, the crack head from from the Chappelle show) is walking....strolling.....well... floating, or something like it down the aisle. It might not have been Dave Chappelle dressed like a crackhead, but he looked just like him. His feet were moving in slow motion and his body was in fast forward. he was walking really slow, but his head was bobbing like one of those bobble head dolls, his eyes were yellow and he had those dry mouth dots at the corner of his mouth. I HATE THOSE. And yes I did notice all of that with that one glance, along with the fact that there were a lot of empty seats in the front of the bus. I went back to my book. My number one rule on the metro is DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT with crazy people. That's like saying, "Hey!!! What's up!! Why don't you come over here and talk to me!!!"

So.....

WHY DO THE CRAZY PEOPLE ALWAYS SIT BY ME?
So he sits next to me, just like the crazies always do. I'm into my book thinking, "Dude better not start tripping or I'm stealing him."

DC Slang
*steal: to punch/hit with the fist

So, I give him the benefit of doubt--maybe he's just trying to get to were he's going just like everybody else. His eyes just happen to be gold and way too open for this time of morning and his lips look like he's been eating powdered doughnuts for 10 hours straight. I'm thinking, "Just keep reading--if he's starts trippin' on you, then you you can steal him." About 3 minutes later I see his hand moving from the corner of my eye.... I look over and this mutherfucker is swatting at invisible flies and whatnot. I know they were invisible, 'cause I watched him for a few seconds---NOTHING was there. " Then he stopped about a minute later.

I went back to reading. Well, I tried.

Now What! I see his hand again from the corner of my eye this dude is pop-locking his wrists from way high in the air down to his lap over and over......what the fuck!?...I could probably understand , if the was really pop-locking , like doing the worm with his arms and then passing it on to me---but he literally was using his right hand and going diagonally from way above his head down to his lap, like was knocking on a door. That was some weird as shit!!! I just watched him for a few minutes---just in case he all of a sudden wanted to get stupid all of a sudden. I looked around, one dude was looking like, "What the hell?" I looked back out the window, thinking "It's too early for this." Then I closed my book, which I wasn't going to be able to read, because I was going to have to baby sit this crackhead next to me--- I needed to be alert...just in case.

He liked that seat, too, because after the bus started to empty out---there were several empty seats next to me, but he stayed next to me. DAMN!!!! I was thinking, "Damn, he doesn't want to sit by himself? All thes empty seats and this motherfucker is still next to me---what the fuck!!! This motherfucker better get up when I excuse myself for my bus stop, or there's going to be a problem--and it's too early for that. " But, he got off before me---thankfully.

The X-Bus strikes again.

Let me Hold $5.

What exactly is that supposed to mean? Let me hold five dollars. I mean, why exactly do you need the five dollars if you're just going to hold it? I know, I know, I know. It's slang, but where does stuff like that come from- slang. Let's break this one down.

Hold: basically means to physically possess something, like in one's hand.

So, you goin' physically hold the the $5. Then tell me some b.s. like " ... until I get my check or until I get to an ATM." Now whether you do anything with the $5 while you're holding it, is up to you. All I know is that "Craig" is supposed to be holding the $5, which means, temporary.

But I know when broke times come, I'm goin' need to hold my own $5 back from yo broke ass.

Weeks or months later, 'cause you knew "Craig" wasn't going to give it right back--always, your pockets are a little light, but good thing "Craig is still holding your $5.

You plan out what you going to do with the $5 that "Craig" is holding for you only to find out that "Craig" ain't got nothing for you. Ain't that a B$%&*!