JUST CAUSE I"M ALWAYS SINGLE...

It doesn't mean I'm absolutely hopeless... I guess. Well it shouldn't. I'm not butt ugly, and besides beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, I've never had a boyfriend. I was in some sort of relationship with this dude once upon a pre-millenium time, but he practically ignored me the whole time, then told one of my friends he never really was, so therefore HE does not count.

But, being that people notice that I never have a boyfriend; they seem to believe that everytime some even pays enough attention to me to ask for my number or something I should go for it. It is as if they think, I can't do any better and cannot afford to turn anyone down. WTF???

I think these people are trying to imply that something is WRONG with me and that I should take whatever I can get.

WELL, I NEITHER APPRECIATE THE IMPLICATION OR THE FEELING INVOKED BY IT AND TO THEM I SAY:

FUCK YOU!!!!

I'd rather be BY MYSELF than settle for any old thing.

Cat's don't eat out.

There's this cat food commerical out. I think it's Fancy Feast. Really, I couldn't tell you which catfood it's advertising, because it got me stuck on one specific point. The commercial was talking about how delectable the food is and compares it to restaurant quality. What the fuck? When's the last time you saw a cat, out dining at a restaurant. They don't fucking know! And even if they did know the difference, what they hell would they say-- nothing IT'S A CAT. THEY DON'T TALK, except for on t.v. What the hell is a cat gonna do, turn up it's nose and go, "Oh great heavens, this tastes nothing like the risotto I had a Buca di Beppo. Oh, how dreadful. I simply shant eat it." I mean, cats do have that snooty-looking, better than you air about them, but the worst they'll do is look at it, look at you, then walk away --- business as usual...snooty jerks.

I think if they could talk, they probably would do shit like that. But nonetheless, who gives a shit whether the catfood is like that of a restaurant, unless

you're eating the food yourself.

EWE!!!!

Point-blank: Even if the shit looks like shit-- they'll still eat it.

How come dogs don't get the restaurant treatment? All they get is the gelatinous shit looking can food, hard little cocoa puff-looking balls, or hard little cocoa puff-looking balls with gravy. Where's the justice? Yeah there's the occasional beefy gravy-looking stuff, too.

And, okay... I did, recently, see my mother feed some little beef and rice-looking thing from a dog pouch to the Zoey, the dog--- so I guess gourmet food does exist for dogs. But you don't see people much harping about Sparky getting gourmet restaurant quality on t.v., just the ones with the ginormous bags of little pellets.

Anyway the bottom line (and the top one for this piece): Cat food doesn't need to be restaurant quality, because CATS DON'T EAT OUT!

Just 'cause I make jokes, doesn't mean I'm a game to be played.

I don't understand. I suppose that I never will understand. Why is it that people lie to you about things that they know good and well you are capable of finding out. For instance, if you have told a woman that you have had and interest in pursuing her, for a long time, why then later tell that woman's friend the same line. Do you really think that they won't communicate these findings to each other.

This is what has happened to me. Just this week. Unfortunately, this isn't even the first time. As a matter of fact, it's the fourth time. I once liked this guy and he even gave the impression, even verbally, that he liked me too. Unfortunately, I discovered that it was all a game and that the guy, who I though was interested in me, was only really interested in my friend-- only thing is--- she wasn't interested in him. He even went so far as to tell her that he never even told me that he was interested in me like that.

Yeah... that kind of hurt my feelings... made me a little bitter, but I got over it, so to speak.

The thing is, why do people lie about things like that... yeah I know... probably because of feelings.

Feelings.

People don't want to hurt other people's feelings. But isn't it more hurtful to find out later, than sooner. It makes it sooo hard to trust. Soon as I give the benefit of the doubt---- a lie comes out. People lie so much in the name of protecting feelings that now people can't handle even a little bit of truth, and people wouldn't fathom telling you the truth.

Oh well, I guess that's just the way the world works now.

Fortunately this time I found out sooner rather than later. So, my friend... I'm reminded of a song... by En Vogue "No, you're never gonna get it!"

SHE'S not that into YOU either!!!

There's all of these studies that support the fact that women are emotional beings and because of this and the oxytocin and all of the other hormonal stuff-- women become emotionally attached easily, etc...

Then there's Greg Behrendt, whom I actually like. He's a stand-up comedian, and in case you didn't know he was a consultant on the cable tv mega show and syndication giant Sex and the City. He was the guy that they makers of the show went to, to confer, "Do men really think like this?..." and yadda, yadda, yadda. He was able to give a female dominated cast an authentic man's man point of view. Based on all of the advice he was kicking out, he went on to co-write a social commentary/advice book called..."He's Just Not That Into You." It was basically a question and answer and scenario analysis book for women who embark on already dead-end relationships from the start and they don't know why the relationships go nowhere.

Dear Greg,

I like this guy. He only calls me and asks to come over, after 3 am, after he's been out partying and drinking with his friends. This makes me sad. How can I express my feelings to him.......

Sad & Lonely

Dear Sad & Lonely,

He's Just Not That Into You... Those are booty calls.

Greg

...something along those lines.

Well, because of this funny, but straight-forward and true advice, Greg has been catapulted into the arena of relationship expert (even though he doesn't claim to be). The book was a major hit. And while he wasn't chosen for Oprah's Book Club, he was, nonetheless, a guest on the show, touting the same info. to Oprah's minions--- I mean--- the masses. Greg was even afforded the opportunity to have his own show, which was the short-lived Greg Behrendt Show of 2006. He also wrote another book called "Its Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," and is preparing to write another book with his wife, called "Its Just a Bleeping Date." Plus he's got a brand new "relationship help" show for 2009 called "Greg Behrendt's Wake-up Call." On top of all that, his book "He's Just Not That Into You," is now a movie. I have no problem with any of this at all, and even if I did who would care. I just wish so many women weren't so naive, needy,and clingy and just plain downright stupid sometimes. While I do understand, sometimes, you do need to be this way so that you work through life's issues for yourself, and learn from your lessons. The Thing is some of us don't learn from our lessons. We're flunking these basic courses in relationship functions and instead of maybe taking the remedial route and working slowly, we're jumping right back in to the advancedplacement classes... thus flunking again, because we've learned NOTHING. Ya dig?

For example:the girl who falls in love with a habitual liar/cheater, then finally gets out of the relationship, only to knowingly embark on another relationship with the same type--- 'cause YOU DIDN'T LEARN!

or

the one who goes out on one date during one week, then calls it a relationship the next week. Yet the following week, you're mad because he didn't call or he admitted that he was out with someone else. It's only been two weeks. GET A GRIP! I wish there weren't so many women like this. It's like so many women are so needy and desparate for men, that it's become natural for people to think of women this way and that they need help understanding what to do, with their helpless selves.

We don't want them constantly crying themselves to sleep and watching chick flicks and eating icecream out of the carton.

Okay--- We get it!!! (Well, I do)

You're just not that into us, but HEY!

WE ARE NOT ALWAYS THAT INTO YOU EITHER, BUDDY!

When the shoe's on the other foot, you males aren't always so wise and in the clear wither. Some of you need to know when to learn to:

1) Recognize Interest/ Disinterest

2) Learn when to say "when" and throw in the towel

3) Grow-up (stop hanging on to the 'males don't mature as early as females" crutch)

__________________________________________

Recognize Interest or Disinterest

When we're at the club and you come up behind us and start trying to grind on our behinds and we either;

a. start moving away or dancing away

b. turn around, look and grimace

c. turn around and face you (so that you're dancing front to front)

d. stop dancing

At least A, B, and D are signs of uninterest, in the first place--you shouldn't need help here. GET OFF OUR ASS---ASSHOLE!

Just because we give you the time of day (literally), it doesn't mean we want your ass--- it's called being polite.

Dude: 'Scuse me, you know what time it is?

Female: 1:45 (no batting eyelashes, winks, shy smile, just the answer)

THIS IS NOT AN OPEN INVITATION TO YOU TO START TRYING TO TALK TO US. Unless you saw any of the fore mentioned signs or other flirtatious actions-- back the hell off and shut the fuck up!

If you say anything to us, and

a. we roll our eyes

b. we grimace

c. we respond with curse words

d. we respond with a weapon

TAKE THE HINT: SHE'S just NOT that into YOU!

Learn when to say when.

Okay, after you we gave you the time of day--- You asked if she had a boyfriend. She said yes. That should be the end of the conversation, but noooo.....Then you ask, "Well can you have friends?" What the fuck is this line about? I guess, just in case, the relationship takes a turn for the worst, like a week later, she'll call, "Hey, remember me from the subway station, I don't have a boyfriend anymore, and wanted to see if you still wanted to be my friend." Does this shit happen, in real life? If so, someone fill me in. Most of the time, if she didn't at least actually like the boyfriend or respect the boundaries of the relationship, she proabably wouldn't have even mentioned it. She'd have said, "No."--- thus welcoming YOUR advances. SHE might even be LYING, just to get YOU the hell OUT OF HER FACE. The 'can you have friends' question, is crazy though. Who exchanges numbers with every random person who they bump into and say "Excuse me" to or ask for the time? At least have a conversation first, and not just one where YOU'RE talking, and she's trying to ignore you, but a two-way conversation. Then, even if you are talking to someone, it doesn't mean you want to keep in touch with them. You chat someone up, you say it was nice talking with you, then you roll out. Occasionally, you might meet someone and talk to them and find out that you would like to keep in touch with them, which would result in the exchange of contact info.But the act of just asking someone if they have a boyfriend/ and if they can have friends, is just dumb. Even if she says, yes--- it doesn't mean she wants to be friends with YOUR ASS. Then, even if she doesn't mind being friends with you--- it doesn't mean she wants to call you or wants you calling her. It's just stupid. Stop asking "CAN YOU HAVE FRIENDS?" If she wants you just as much as you want her, she'll more than likely give you a little more than a rigid, emotionless response to your question (1:45) otherwise, she's just not that into you.

(Friends in groups)

Just 'cause a friend talks to you, it doesn't mean her girl wants to talk to your boy. We do have wing-women, but it is not an automatic, so tell you boy that he's either going to have to do his own thing and see if it works or leave it be. But tell him to take it easy, because if we tell him to kick rocks, and he breaks bad with us, and you don't handle him it could fuck your sure thing up--- 'cause you know the girl YOU'RE talking to is going to take OUR side. Then again if males could recognize interest or disinterest---- they wouldn't even have this issue.

Just because she went out on a date with you, it doesn't mean she is going to let you hit that. PAY ATTENTION! If there aren't any signs of sexual interest, touching etc... then don't reach for them out of thin air. It's s total turn-off and makes you look like a desparate pervert.

Short unresponsive IMs usually mean she's:

a. too busy

b. too busy for YOU

Don't leave stupid comments like:

"I guess ur 2 busy" or "R u there?"

Obviously, if she wasn't busy or if she was there, she would have responded, stupid!

So, quit stalking the myspace, facebook, yahoo IM, etc...It's irritating, a lot of other synonyms, and a turn-off. Besides, maybe she's just not that into you.

We aren't the only pressed ones in these relationships. Some of you all trip out too.Sometimes like Devin the Dude...We just want to "fu-u-u-uck you."

You don't have to blow up the phone after. If a female wants to talk to you she'll answer or she'll call you back. ---Take that as a blessing in disguise-- that is, after all usually what you men want--- no strings attached. Stop trying to lay a guilt trip on us or demanding to know why we haven't called, because you haven't heard from us in a few days. You're fingers work, too. You want to talk, call. Popping up unannounced, jumping out of bushes, and questioning the reasoning behind the top friends on our myspace page--- so juvenile!!!! Besides, maybe she's just not that into you.

Grow-up!

You yelled out:

"Ay Shawtie!"

"Ay Sweetie/Sweetheart!"

"Ay Sexy!"

"Ay Boo-Boo!"

"Ay Bay Bay!"

"Ay Girl"

or whatever other rude shit you chose to say other than "Excuse me, Miss."

She either didn't respond:

a. because she didn't hear you

or

b. because she didn't want to.

(from experience, I can tell you, most of the time it's (B) Get over it, you missed out on that one, go home read a book and jerk off or something. Don't turn us into all kinds of stuck-up bitches and hoes, or whatever. It only makes you look like an asshole who we're glad we didn't respond to.

See, the shoe could easily be on the other foot.

Take from this blog, whatever you wish. I have neither read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" nor seen the movie, yet.

( I did look through a few pages, I recommended it to a friend, who I thought needed that advice-- I don't need it--- I don't trust enough for men to pull the wool over my eyes)

... and I'm spent!