Being in a relationship: Nature or Nurture's Desire

Is desiring to be in a relationship something that's determined by nature or nurture?

I think it's BOTH

Nature: the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing
Nurture: the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism (training, upbringing)

Every time I bring up the fact that I don't date, I'm not "seeing" anyone, haven't been "seeing" anyone EVER, and don't have... er... intimate activities regularly, people always start kind of feeling a kind of pity towards me. They say... "Girl, you better do... this... that... the other ..." It's as if they're saying it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. But, by who's standards are they basing this? I know it's "NORMAL" for adults to want to date and have relations, etc... and I also guess, it's "NORMAL" to actively seek out these things regularly. However, it's not a requirement. We are NOT all made the same. Why must something be WRONG with ME, because I don't?

I believe it depends on both your nature and your nurture. I have neither of the key characteristics of either of those things. Coupled with a habitual self-bashing sense of self-consciousness and low self-esteem, it is DEFINITELY NOT in my nature to be actively or aggressively, or even passively seeking anyone. I'm pretty sure being heavily criticised and ignored in my "nurturing" environment may have something to do with this. I figure if, someone likes me they will let ME know, if not, then I am perfectly fine with being alone, as I HAVE been all this time. Even, if I wasn't fine with being alone, I still WOULDN'T actively seek anyone out.

I definitely wasn't nurtured to seek relationships. Neither of my parents ever told me anything about male/female relationships, and how they're supposed to be or even how they are made. If anything, observing by default, because I live with them, the only thing they taught me, is that they DON'T WORK and it's NOT something you want to get into. Further, I was never allowed to talk to boys, per my mother's orders. Anyhoo, as a result, I still don't know how to approach relationships. I never learned, wasn't nurtured to do so. The the thing is, I don't even care... cause it's not in my nature.

So maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm single I'll say: "Because I lack the nature and nurture to pursue one."

Social Media Friendship Debaucle: How TWO tweets cost me a friendship

There was once a pop song in the 1980's by an artist called Tiffany, titled, "I think We're Alone Now." the verse went, "I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around." Apt observation Tiffany, however, in the 21st century, you'd think you're alone, because you don't see anyone, but YOU'D BE WRONG.

In the age of Internet, IP addresses, social media, text, and now screen shots of texts,

etc...... and all kinds of digital footprints one leaves behind, someone is ALWAYS WATCHING, so I've learned.

I learned this the hard way. Well, not really the HARD way, but a significant way no less. I've made it a habit to leave quite the literary digital footprint on the world wide web, rather the Internet if you will. I've kept a blog or several for at least 6 years now, jotting down everything from musical reviews and editorial critiques, to poetry, humorous real life accounts, and vents, the latter of which seems to have resulted in this relationship end.

I thought I was just tweeting my thoughts, when my thoughts came back at me as if I had flung them like boomerangs. I keep a lot of things to myself or I muddle over them repeatedly. That's how I do. That's who I am. I talk to myself when there is no one to talk to... and sometimes when there is. Is there something wrong with that? Apparently the problem occurs when someone else can hear... in this case see them.

Idle hands, and an idle mind can be the devil's playground. I got a little bored while out recently and my mind began to wander, so I took to social media, Twitter to be exact to occupy myself, as I do these days. I came, I twittered, I closed the app. However, while on Twitter an event happened. It bothered me. I Twittered 2 TWEETS referring to how I felt about it. The next day, I awoke to to find 4 texts (continuations of each other), in all caps no less, which equates yelling to me, saying:

"DON'T TWEET ABOUT ME," "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING THROUGH THIS," "THIS HAS CAUSED DRAMA"....

I was confused, for several reasons;

1. YOU FOLLOW ME? O_O

2. HOW DO YOU (or anyone for that matter) KNOW WHO/WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT? (I used NO names, places, etc... and contrary to your obvious arrogance I don't talk about you much)

3. HOW DO MY VAGUE, NON-DIRECT, R

ANDOM TWEETS CAUSE YOU DRAMA?

I never got the answer to any of those questions. Just a stern talking to, like I was a child, via text, with the command "DON'T TWEET ABOUT ME!"

Honestly of all the tweets I've ever posted, EVER, and I've been on Twitter almost 3 years now, over 23,500 tweets; only 3 have ever been about this person. Two from that night and one from about a month ago.

Well, this person would hear, rather, read, nothing of this, since they refused to answer the phone, only text, which eventually they also refused to answer. They were dead set that somehow I was being juvenile for, in a sense, saying how I feel or what I think on Twitter. The nerve of me to Tweet MY life, MY thoughts, MY feelings, etc... on MY TWITTER. GEEZ! The library of Congress, who keep all tweets, don't even interfere with what people tweet.

Then, they unfriended me on Facebook, unfollowed me on Twitter.

Now, who's juvenile? ...It's not even National Unfriend Day yet.

unequal

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. At least that's what they say. Yet who is this "they" who say this? I believe it is the very people who believe otherwise that usually say this. They will tell you that YOU are not being fair or equal, yet, be the very ones who behave unequally or unfairly toward others.

They will ask you to be truthful, yet never be fully honest.
They will ask that you confide in them, yet never fully divulge their thoughts.
They will ask you to be open and accepting, yet unwilling to give themselves away.
They will ask you questions, yet not give answers.
They will hold you to your word, yet not keep theirs.
They will claim to be there for you, yet not be available when you need them.

SO... Is what's good for the goose, also good for the gander? Or is the gander never good enough for the goose?

The DTF or DTS Ratio (for the sensitive): What’s YOUR number?

The DTF (or DTS) is the Date-to-F*ck Ratio or Date-to-Sex Ratio.
It is essentially a comparison of the amount of dates one goes on to the amount of sexual contact consented to.

In “lay” man’s terms, DTF is how many dates you go on, before you or in order to get it in, have sex, give it up, yadda, yadda, yadda, so on, and so forth.

How many dates, outings, meet-ups, get togethers, hang outs do you need to go on with a person before you deem them worthy of sexual contact. Then, after the initial contact, does that open the flood gates, meaning are they automatically entitled to a smorgasbord of sexual activity? OR Do the meetings in the bedroom depend on how much MEETING has been done outside the bedroom?

Example: You go on 3 dates, then have a sexual excursion. Then you don’t go out for like…hmm… 3 weeks. Does the person still have access to the tang/wang or do they have to make some more P-payments in the form of dates?

Are you a:

1:1— 1 Regular date/outing ONLY: then 1 sex date (repeat or floodgates open)

3:2— 3 Regular dates/outings ONLY: then 2 sex dates (repeat OR floodgates open)

or maybe you’re even some type of combo

like:

2.5:1— 2 Regular dates ONLY/1 date that will end in sex: then 1 sex date (repeat or floodgates open)

*Of course there can be outside factors that may affect one’s DTF/DTS ratio, i.e. virginity, celibacy, pregnancy (possibly, depending on the person), other, etc…

So… what’s your DTF RATIO?