Why Can't WE be friends? (re-blog Sept. 07')

Why can't men and women be friends?
The truth is men and women can be friends.

There are a couple things that have to be done or some sort of criteria that has to be met though, in order for this to happen, though.
First of all:

Everyone that you know is not automatically your friend. Sometimes you can have associates, people who you see whenever you see them, but they may not be on the wedding invitation list.

Anyhow, I think in order for men and women to be friends, both must first be willing to be just that. BE FRIENDS.
You can't enter into the friendship, looking for two different things. One can't be trying to get down with the get down,

while the other just wants to go get icecream.

(totally, not interested)

That could fuck up the basis for being friends plus make for loss of appetite. Now there's no friendship or icecream. It's a lose-lose situation.

Here are some clues that the other person is not interested in a love connection, at least not at this time.
1. When you throw hints around like: I don't have a girl/boy friend or a significant other, the other person just says "Oh." or Nods their head with the closed-mouth smile. They might even change the subject.
2. The talk to you about the person they do want to be involved with. Trust me: If they would even remotely consider you--they'd probably not talk about other interests in front of you for fear of scaring you away. OR They talk about the type of person their interested in, hint-hint: if the person they describe is the exact opposite of you, chances are slim.
3. They tell you, they're not interested.  HELLOOOOO!!!
All of these things equal one thing:

"the friend zone"

The friend zone is tricky, it can be easy to get into, hard to get out of, and if you manage to get out of it, more than likely you can't go back to it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the friends turned lovers relationships are sometimes the best ones.

So if you want to be friends, then do it, BE friends, friends being the operative word.
The situation gets hairy, when separate relationships are formed, i.e. you're female and your friend Craig starts dating the prissy chick from the law firm,

or you're male and your friend Stacey starts going out with that thick neck dude from the gym.

...and then, you wonder why you haven't heard from them in 2 weeks, 2 months, years.
It boggles my mind. I can always tell when one of my male friends is involved in a relationship. I'll talk to them one day and then all of a sudden, I won't hear from them anymore. They don't hang out at the usual spots or return phone-calls either. I have one friend who literally leaves his home for long periods at a time, and it's not like the female lives out of state. He'll temporarily move in with her and then when he fucks up or she gets mad and puts him out.  I get a call--- "Hey!!! What's going on?" Me: "Damn' dude I thought you moved or died or something...?"
Every time he does this, I sing and old Jeffrey Osborne song for him.

Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right back...in love again) Alright (seems like, seems like)Back in love...again

I actually had one friend, who wouldn't answer phone calls or e-mails,(and the sad thing was that I really needed the information), and when he finally did answer. I said, (through e-mail) "You must have a a girlfriend or something. I've been trying to get in touch with you to ....." He said, "...Actually you're right. I do have a girlfriend, that's who I live with." I just said " Oh, I thought so....Well, I just needed to know the information, I don't break up happy homes. Talk to you whenever."
I wanted to say: "SO!!!! and you couldn't answer a simple question? Besides, that was kind of rude what kind to just not answer. What kind of whip is she ruling you with? " (it's probably a mace)

I haven't heard from him since and that was roughly fall of 2005. Oh well....que sera, sera! I discovered he's married recently. Congrats to him, but sometimes I miss my friend. He was a funny dude.
But you see, we both weren't in for the friendship. I was cool to call, leave messages and e-mails with information I thought he'd be interested in, and or call if I needed to find out information myself. He on the other hand ....I don't know, was a pussy, who couldn't be direct...scared...whatever. Who knows.
Personally, I think that he just couldn't handle keeping in touch with a close female friend and then having to explain or involve the love interest in the relationship.
I think alot of dudes feel this way. They don't want their two lives to intermingle, the friend version and the boyfriend version. It's kind of like dudes who don't want to be called "muffincakes" by their girl in front of the guys.

Women on the other hand, you can't always be sure what their motive is, when they're in a relationship and the guy has a female friend---whether it's to keep him away from other women or keep other women away from him. If she's butch lesbian or she doesn't think the girls is more attractive than herself, they might allow it, but if she's a lipstick lesbian or hot,  eyebrows will go up.

Basically, we have to make sure that we're the hottest girl you're around regularly---that you can and want to fuck. But so many women refuse to let you know that they are jealous, threatened, or just feel a little uncomfortable. Rather, than give the satisfaction of being defeated, they just act funny, then deny it later.
Scenario.
You're walking in the mall.
Female friend: What's up Craig!!! Long time no see!!!
Girlfriend standing far away, trying to not look impatient and jealous.

Craig: Yeah, I've been chillin'. How's everything?
Female: Everything's cool......yadda, yadda, yadda
Girlfriend: does the funny act--- either gives female the dagger eyes, tries to busy herself (cellphone, purse,etc) , or just pretends to look around, and be distracted
*Now if Craig introduces her (which he definately should,especially if the conversation lasts more that 10 seconds), ol' jealous heart will probably give the closed mouth smile and the head nod. If she's more polite, she'll extend a hand.
*If Craig doesn't introduce (and the conversation is longer than 10 seconds), Craig's got some 'splaining' to do. As soon as you walk off together. "Who is that?....How long ago....?"

But because she had to ask, your answer may not matter. The damage is done.
*If Craig introduces the girlfriend first. She might even give the female friend the teeth smile.
Either way, with women, it can be hard to tell.
If you're the female friend. Please speak to this chick, also. Do your male friend a favor and don't ignore her, like she's not there. save your boy some heartache later.
If you all had sex----it's over. Sorry, it just is. Don't get me wrong, you 'friends' might even still be able to get along fine with out crossing that bridge again, but get a girl/boy friend. Unless they're into threesomes, they're more than likely not going to want to have you hanging around trying to get seconds, thirds, etc... What are they going to do, swap stories? EWW!!!! AWKWARD!!!!
So, there may be some occasions where you have to drop your opposite sex friends. The love interest will get jealous. It doesn't even matter if they meet the old friend. Some people just don't share well,

even if it is just an e-mail or phone call, or a run-in on the street. Again I say, que sera, sera!
Then again, I knew this guy. He was a friend.....er...with benefits. He got mad because I shared my... er... benefits... with someone else and he didn't speak to me for almost a whole year. Meanwhile, he was embarking on a relationship, before he got mad and stopped speaking to me.

I was mad at him for BEING mad at me. Dude!!!! You had a girlfriend...that I didn't know about. I should be NOT speaking to YOU. I'M A FREE AGENT!!!!
We weren't on the same page obviously. I was....er.... sharing my benefits package.... with him, who was my friend. But he, on the other hand was trying to move from the friend zone. The problem was, when was he going to tell me?
SEE!!!! You gotta be on the same page or it doesn't work.
I'm all for keeping it real with friends and lovers.
If you are in a relationship and you do not wish to communicate with your friends of the opposite sex, then just say so. Granted you may lose a friend, totally,  over some bullshit like that---at least you were honest and who can fault honesty.
Establish trust in your relationship, if you haven't got trust, why the hell are you there? If you can't trust Craig to just speak to another female in public--smacking your lips and rolling your eyes. OR You think that every dude that Stacey speaks to had to have hit that, then you need to get it together. Really!!!
If your mate doesn't want you communicating with the opposite sex and you agree to that, then don't do it. 'Cause if you get caught sneaking around after the fact, It will be worst.
Relationships are difficult to form in the first place. Some of you are still working on the basics, getting to know someone, before you give them your pin number to your debit card, finding out last names, and actually going out on a date. Some of you haven't even mastered the friendship, before you already "go together".
So, unless you are already on the same page in what ever kind of "ship" you are involved in, be it friend, companion, relation. That extra unattached person, can be yet another potential hurdle, unless you and your mate, and the friend are on the same page.

If you are, then as long as friends stay friends---it shouldn't be an issue.


...and I'm spent.

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