Being in a relationship: Nature or Nurture's Desire

Is desiring to be in a relationship something that's determined by nature or nurture?

I think it's BOTH

Nature: the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing
Nurture: the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism (training, upbringing)

Every time I bring up the fact that I don't date, I'm not "seeing" anyone, haven't been "seeing" anyone EVER, and don't have... er... intimate activities regularly, people always start kind of feeling a kind of pity towards me. They say... "Girl, you better do... this... that... the other ..." It's as if they're saying it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. But, by who's standards are they basing this? I know it's "NORMAL" for adults to want to date and have relations, etc... and I also guess, it's "NORMAL" to actively seek out these things regularly. However, it's not a requirement. We are NOT all made the same. Why must something be WRONG with ME, because I don't?

I believe it depends on both your nature and your nurture. I have neither of the key characteristics of either of those things. Coupled with a habitual self-bashing sense of self-consciousness and low self-esteem, it is DEFINITELY NOT in my nature to be actively or aggressively, or even passively seeking anyone. I'm pretty sure being heavily criticised and ignored in my "nurturing" environment may have something to do with this. I figure if, someone likes me they will let ME know, if not, then I am perfectly fine with being alone, as I HAVE been all this time. Even, if I wasn't fine with being alone, I still WOULDN'T actively seek anyone out.

I definitely wasn't nurtured to seek relationships. Neither of my parents ever told me anything about male/female relationships, and how they're supposed to be or even how they are made. If anything, observing by default, because I live with them, the only thing they taught me, is that they DON'T WORK and it's NOT something you want to get into. Further, I was never allowed to talk to boys, per my mother's orders. Anyhoo, as a result, I still don't know how to approach relationships. I never learned, wasn't nurtured to do so. The the thing is, I don't even care... cause it's not in my nature.

So maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm single I'll say: "Because I lack the nature and nurture to pursue one."

NO MEANS NO!...and so does stop, don't, get the f**k off of me!

So the subject has been brought up, AGAIN, about rape and whose fault it is. This is my blog and I can only give you my opinion, so..... um...

I'm gonna go with the rapist. I think it is the rapists fault any way around. If you consent to sexual activity with someone, and the other party, just before you reach the OH-Town,

says "NO" or "STOP" or any other variation that DOESN'T mean continue doing what you're doing, and YOU DON'T, and that person accuses you of rape/forcing them against theire will, well.... my friend....or foe... You are a rapist. Also, I don't think the person who let you get started and then told you "no" is at fault. The person who doesn't back off when it's time to is.

I don't think it matters what they person is wearing either. People get butterball naked under medical gowns, that doesn't give a doctor the right to violate them. People dance, naked on stages, poles and sometimes laps, it still does not give anyone one else the privilege to violate their bodies. Even if you are paying someone, it's a business arrangement. If they decide they dont want to do business with you anymore, then you just can't TAKE IT ANYWAY. If it's legal (sex-- only in Arizona, in the U.S.A.), you could always take them to small claims court if you're that pressed for the money back guarantee.

I don't care. I DON'T THINK THAT ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO GO AGAINST SOMEONE'S WILL AND HAVE SEX WITH THEM.

Even if they are stark naked on any type of MLK Ave., Blvd., Parkway, Street (For those who don't know, it has been an ongoing joke, that although MLK,Jr. stood for nonviolence, it seems as though in many cities the most notoriously violent areas occur around or on roadways named after him.) or YOUR BED, it STILL does not give you the right to violate their body, and rape/sexually assault/molest/etc... them.

That goes for everyone. We teach children all the time to keep their hands to themselves, yet just because people surpass puberty, they think they can surpass rights. GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!!!

I'm speaking on males and females. I attended a party at someone's home, where they provided both male and female exotic dancer entertainment. While the male, was performing, at one point his face was covered where he could not see. During that time, much to the shock,awe, and horror of the guests who were viewing closest to the side of the room where his... ah.... package...

lay, a woman grabbed his.... package and placed it in her mouth. It happened quickly, but STILL, IT HAPPENED. This may see like a trivial, unimportant, maybe even pleasant act to some men. But it was NOT, any of those things to the male exotic dancer. He jumped up in a shocked manner, but continued to perform, as he didn't exactly know what happened, since he did NOT see. After his performance, when my friends and I asked about the incident, he was quite shocked and a little bothered. He had not invited anyone to touch him, and especially not put their MOUTH on it. Just like people think they don't want what strippers may or may not have; the strippers might not want what YOU have or may not have EITHER!

So just like any scantily clad female, a scantily clad male, even though he might LITERALLY BE ASKING FOR IT, is still not up for grabs for anyone having their way with them against their will.

The bottom line is NO means NO. I know there are some simple people out there who would argue that sometimes "they" don't say "no." Don't be stupid though, you KNOW when a person is objecting to something.

The other day my friend's son was trying to grab a package off of a shelf in a store. He's a baby! He doesn't even talk yet. " I told him "No, " he stopped. Of course he tried again... cause he's a baby. I said "Ah-Ah," and guess what? He stopped. Even a baby knows that just because the word/words are different, they mean the same thing--DON'T DO IT!!!

So I don't want to hear the bullsh*t excuses about what SHE was wearing, and what SHE, was drinking, and WHAT she was doing--- if she says NO, then BACK THE F**K OFF, chalk it up as a loss, and go about your business!

Any OBJECTION means NO or the makings of something alluding to the fact that the person does NOT want you to continue doing what you are doing-- "Stop," "I changed my mind...," " I don't want to"... it's all the same.

And if SHE can't respond, because:

you slipped her a mickey--- RAPE

she's too doped up/drunk--- RAPE

passsed out/unconscious --- RAPE

An unresponsive person CAN'T give consent.

Example:

The kids at my job constantly ask me for things, and to do things, then before I can even answer they're doing stuff. Then when I get mad-- -they don't understand.

They say: "Well, I asked you if I could..."

To which I respond: " Well, did I answer?"

Their answer: is always "No."

And there you have it, in that order.

No answer-- means NO! NOT GO!

Take it back to elementary/primary school!

Keep your hands to yourself.

...and I'm spent!

Ms. Kane if you're nasty!