Being in a relationship: Nature or Nurture's Desire

Is desiring to be in a relationship something that's determined by nature or nurture?

I think it's BOTH

Nature: the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing
Nurture: the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism (training, upbringing)

Every time I bring up the fact that I don't date, I'm not "seeing" anyone, haven't been "seeing" anyone EVER, and don't have... er... intimate activities regularly, people always start kind of feeling a kind of pity towards me. They say... "Girl, you better do... this... that... the other ..." It's as if they're saying it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. But, by who's standards are they basing this? I know it's "NORMAL" for adults to want to date and have relations, etc... and I also guess, it's "NORMAL" to actively seek out these things regularly. However, it's not a requirement. We are NOT all made the same. Why must something be WRONG with ME, because I don't?

I believe it depends on both your nature and your nurture. I have neither of the key characteristics of either of those things. Coupled with a habitual self-bashing sense of self-consciousness and low self-esteem, it is DEFINITELY NOT in my nature to be actively or aggressively, or even passively seeking anyone. I'm pretty sure being heavily criticised and ignored in my "nurturing" environment may have something to do with this. I figure if, someone likes me they will let ME know, if not, then I am perfectly fine with being alone, as I HAVE been all this time. Even, if I wasn't fine with being alone, I still WOULDN'T actively seek anyone out.

I definitely wasn't nurtured to seek relationships. Neither of my parents ever told me anything about male/female relationships, and how they're supposed to be or even how they are made. If anything, observing by default, because I live with them, the only thing they taught me, is that they DON'T WORK and it's NOT something you want to get into. Further, I was never allowed to talk to boys, per my mother's orders. Anyhoo, as a result, I still don't know how to approach relationships. I never learned, wasn't nurtured to do so. The the thing is, I don't even care... cause it's not in my nature.

So maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm single I'll say: "Because I lack the nature and nurture to pursue one."

F*CK YOU Very Much Thank you letter to *ssholes

Thank you Kanye West, for writing “Runaway”, with that awesome hook:

“Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can”

I know a lot of those types, and I’m sure that I am those types to quite a few people, but thanks for putting it out there and motivating me to write this letter, as a toast of some sort to “Everyone of them that I know.”

Dear YOU,

I hate you, kinda, well I don’t hate you. My grandmother said don’t hate people, hate their ways, so let me start over…

Dear YOU,

I hate your ways! Your ways made me hate me… well my ways. So fuck you! I hate your way of making me feel like I was doing too much and not doing enough, and being too much and not being enough and just being too… ME. I just want to let you know that um… er…. Uh…F*CK YOU!

F*ck YOU! For pretending to want to be with me, ‘cause you thought you were going to SMASH. Oh but---- how did that work out for ya? You talk to much, word got back to me and, NO HAPS!

F*ck YOU! For going out of your way to do things for everybody else (who don’t matter) then having the nerve to be always looking for ME to do something for YOU!

F*ck YOU! For going hard, bad mouthing me behind my back (oh yeah, my friend told me) when I didn’t know who the fuck you were. My feeling were really hurt, because I didn’t know why (I was the NICEST person EVER back then). I let you slide, but just so you know. F*CK YOU!

F*ck YOU! For pretending you liked me, when you were really just trying to get at my friend. THAT was really dirty of you. And you wonder why all of YOUR relation ships are fucked up now!

F*ck YOU! For using the L word, when you didn’t mean it. Just, so you know I didn’t either, ‘cause I knew YOU didn’t. YOU thought you were getting over, didn’t you? Little did YOU know.

F*ck YOU! For trying to make me think that I was asking for too much, when actually, I never ASKED YOU for anything.

F*ck YOU! For leading me on and tell me what YOU THOUGHT I wanted to hear, when you could have just told the truth—especially when I was asking direct questions.

F*ck YOU! For believing your friend, and looking at me side-ways when he said I was-- “SHORTY WILD!” when I had honestly NOT done anything. Yet, YOUR FRIEND was the one who was WILD, and when I told you what he was doing and what HE failed to mention, you STILL looked at me sideways.

F*ck YOU! for telling me ONE thing about the relationship, then introducing me as “Erica” (Thanks Steve Harvey—I never knew til “Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady)

F*ck YOU, & YOU, & YOU, &YOU! For trying to get with me after you tried to get with my friend first and she turned you down! What kind of shit is that? And you wonder why I could never take you seriously.

F*ck YOU! For holding a grudge against me for my single behavior, when YOU had a girlfriend, who I found out about by chance

F*ck YOU! For acting like I have to disclose all of my friends, dates, etc… with you, when I don’t know any of that about YOU

F*ck YOU! For trying to come back to me, and make me the side chick. What the f*ck do I look like?! If you've moved on MOVE ON!! BYE B*TCH!

F*ck YOU! For implying that I don't communicate enough, when YOU don't either.

F*ck YOU! For not taking the opportunity to be with me when you had the chance, and then talking to me about “could have/ would have/ should have.”

F*ck YOU! For being with every other chick, then getting an attitude with me, because you SEE me talking to a dude.

F*ck YOU, For being in my face on the phone and from behind closed doors, but waving at me from a distance in public.

F*ck YOU! For being such, a douchebag, asshole, scumbag, jerkoff… that I felt the need to write this letter

F*CK YOU!

I guess I should really be saying thank you, ‘cause now that I know all of this, I’m better off. So I’ll just combine the two, and say F*ck you very much! That is all.

Sincerely,

Erica

Ms. Kane, if you’re nasty!

Black men- Women Wanted: no blacks allowed

As far as dating and race go, I think. Black people are most frequently the ones who blow off an entire race, to date another. Sure there are other ethnic groups that do that as well, but you always hear black men and women talking about why black men and women are no good. Alot of times, Black people, dont even like black people. I think that sometimes it so easy to justify why one is better than the other, because they (black men & women) tolerate things differently, depending on who (which race) it comes from.

I'm going to talk about black men though, especially the ones who claim they can't or won't date black women. I know a guy who is very interested in being involved with a white female who he says is easy going, and in to what he does, doesn't worry about paying for everything (which is points for him), even though he pays too, sexing all night, drinking and partying at the club--

HOLD UP! I'm quite sure there are women of all ethnicities that are willing to do that, (pay, party & sex-up, etc..) out there, but everyone just ISN'T gonna volunteer everything they've got up front--not all the time. I would, for the right gentleman. But there's too many swindlers for it to be automatic. He's just tired of look for them.

ANYWAY,
--- he just discovered why she's got it ($$$) like that, 'cause her occupation is in the very lucrative side of adult services. Yet he's still pursuing the relationship. Granted he did express his concern that he doesn't want her to do that kind of work anymore, should they continue, he is still seeing her, she is still working. Now here's where I really get into my opinion. Now, I think: if that had been a black girl, I don't think he would have given her another chance after finding out that type of info, even if it was just exotic dancing or some kind of nude internet modeling. He would have been on to the next one and she would have been all types of money loving freaks & hoes.

But black men tolerate things in non-black women, that they wouldn't tolerate in black women, I THINK. Don't forget, this is just my opinion.

I don't have a problem with people dating outside their race, if they're dating for the person and not just the race. I think dating solely for race reasons is kinda messed up..... it's racist. However, in speaking my opinion of black men, I just think black men are so much more tolerant of things with non-black women. For instance black women always wonder why they see attractive black men with what they see as average or... how can I say.... not very attractive white women.

I think black men tolerate things like average looks or worst, in exchange for long hair and fair skin, plus maybe they (the non-black women) may not really know where they (black men) are coming from in life, with what they're saying or doing, so they (non-black women) may not ask questions and negate; they'll just take it at face value. You say you do this, that, and the other, then that must be true. Meanwhile, alot of black women have been right there with you, been through the same things, came from the same type of people, homes, lifestyle. Black women, might know the game, so they're going to ask questions-- for clarification. You gotta show and prove. We may not just wanna hear the talk, we want to see the walk, too. Now I'm not saying that is the end all be all, but just based on what I have observed, with some of the guys I know, its just reality.

Men already have the greatest self-esteem, probably all that needing them to procreate stuff. Even an average or less black man, and it depends, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, wants and believes he deserves only the finest, most beautiful woman. Everybody wants a Barbie, a bad b---h, a 5* chick, and then "if you ain't got no booty then you gotta go home"--the Dream.

"Do my ladies run it, fat asses and flat stomachs?..."--Juelz Santana

"I like them Ameries, [not] them Amarosas"--Lil' wayne, who is dark skinned and not deemed awfully attractive by the majority, but according to his lifestyle $$ (all light skinned- medium/mixed baby mommas) and words, he does not like darker skinned women. Go figure. Oh well. I guess, you like what you like.

You gotta have donk, you gotta twerk, you gotta have long hair, but, then they're gonna put you down and label you fake for having a weave, etc... It is hard work trying be attractive to black men, only to watch them leave with,date, or marry a non-black, who doesn't have a donk, might have a potbelly, and couldn't twerk if it were for life or death.

I think black men want black women to be the reflection of all of their perfect desires, plus without questioning whatever gift of gab they give out. Meanwhile, if you're non-black and you don't question them (like those damn black girls, SMH!) you don't have to work as hard. You hair ain't gotta be perfect, cause don't get it twisted, white girls are weaving to achieve too; non- black women, you don't have to have the perfect body, at least you're not black. With black women, you could be as cute in the face, slim in the waist as you wanna be, but a black dude will find something wrong.

Black man: She a-ight, she ain't got no ass though.

You went out and got a Rihanna, Pink, Halle or who ever hair cut--

Black man: I don't like bald head girls.

Who DOESN'T like Halle Berry?!... BULLSHIT!!

Meanwhile, he's wallking aroung with a non-black, quote-unquote model chick, 5* chick, or whatever, with a Bob haircut and a serious case of NOASSATALL. Go figure.

Black man: I mean really, who needs all THAT ass? Your wide hips look good too.

Like I said I couldn't care less. I'm not out here trying desperately to land a man anyway. I'm just saying.