Why Can't WE be friends? (re-blog Sept. 07')

Why can't men and women be friends?
The truth is men and women can be friends.

There are a couple things that have to be done or some sort of criteria that has to be met though, in order for this to happen, though.
First of all:

Everyone that you know is not automatically your friend. Sometimes you can have associates, people who you see whenever you see them, but they may not be on the wedding invitation list.

Anyhow, I think in order for men and women to be friends, both must first be willing to be just that. BE FRIENDS.
You can't enter into the friendship, looking for two different things. One can't be trying to get down with the get down,

while the other just wants to go get icecream.

(totally, not interested)

That could fuck up the basis for being friends plus make for loss of appetite. Now there's no friendship or icecream. It's a lose-lose situation.

Here are some clues that the other person is not interested in a love connection, at least not at this time.
1. When you throw hints around like: I don't have a girl/boy friend or a significant other, the other person just says "Oh." or Nods their head with the closed-mouth smile. They might even change the subject.
2. The talk to you about the person they do want to be involved with. Trust me: If they would even remotely consider you--they'd probably not talk about other interests in front of you for fear of scaring you away. OR They talk about the type of person their interested in, hint-hint: if the person they describe is the exact opposite of you, chances are slim.
3. They tell you, they're not interested.  HELLOOOOO!!!
All of these things equal one thing:

"the friend zone"

The friend zone is tricky, it can be easy to get into, hard to get out of, and if you manage to get out of it, more than likely you can't go back to it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the friends turned lovers relationships are sometimes the best ones.

So if you want to be friends, then do it, BE friends, friends being the operative word.
The situation gets hairy, when separate relationships are formed, i.e. you're female and your friend Craig starts dating the prissy chick from the law firm,

or you're male and your friend Stacey starts going out with that thick neck dude from the gym.

...and then, you wonder why you haven't heard from them in 2 weeks, 2 months, years.
It boggles my mind. I can always tell when one of my male friends is involved in a relationship. I'll talk to them one day and then all of a sudden, I won't hear from them anymore. They don't hang out at the usual spots or return phone-calls either. I have one friend who literally leaves his home for long periods at a time, and it's not like the female lives out of state. He'll temporarily move in with her and then when he fucks up or she gets mad and puts him out.  I get a call--- "Hey!!! What's going on?" Me: "Damn' dude I thought you moved or died or something...?"
Every time he does this, I sing and old Jeffrey Osborne song for him.

Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right back...in love again) Alright (seems like, seems like)Back in love...again

I actually had one friend, who wouldn't answer phone calls or e-mails,(and the sad thing was that I really needed the information), and when he finally did answer. I said, (through e-mail) "You must have a a girlfriend or something. I've been trying to get in touch with you to ....." He said, "...Actually you're right. I do have a girlfriend, that's who I live with." I just said " Oh, I thought so....Well, I just needed to know the information, I don't break up happy homes. Talk to you whenever."
I wanted to say: "SO!!!! and you couldn't answer a simple question? Besides, that was kind of rude what kind to just not answer. What kind of whip is she ruling you with? " (it's probably a mace)

I haven't heard from him since and that was roughly fall of 2005. Oh well....que sera, sera! I discovered he's married recently. Congrats to him, but sometimes I miss my friend. He was a funny dude.
But you see, we both weren't in for the friendship. I was cool to call, leave messages and e-mails with information I thought he'd be interested in, and or call if I needed to find out information myself. He on the other hand ....I don't know, was a pussy, who couldn't be direct...scared...whatever. Who knows.
Personally, I think that he just couldn't handle keeping in touch with a close female friend and then having to explain or involve the love interest in the relationship.
I think alot of dudes feel this way. They don't want their two lives to intermingle, the friend version and the boyfriend version. It's kind of like dudes who don't want to be called "muffincakes" by their girl in front of the guys.

Women on the other hand, you can't always be sure what their motive is, when they're in a relationship and the guy has a female friend---whether it's to keep him away from other women or keep other women away from him. If she's butch lesbian or she doesn't think the girls is more attractive than herself, they might allow it, but if she's a lipstick lesbian or hot,  eyebrows will go up.

Basically, we have to make sure that we're the hottest girl you're around regularly---that you can and want to fuck. But so many women refuse to let you know that they are jealous, threatened, or just feel a little uncomfortable. Rather, than give the satisfaction of being defeated, they just act funny, then deny it later.
Scenario.
You're walking in the mall.
Female friend: What's up Craig!!! Long time no see!!!
Girlfriend standing far away, trying to not look impatient and jealous.

Craig: Yeah, I've been chillin'. How's everything?
Female: Everything's cool......yadda, yadda, yadda
Girlfriend: does the funny act--- either gives female the dagger eyes, tries to busy herself (cellphone, purse,etc) , or just pretends to look around, and be distracted
*Now if Craig introduces her (which he definately should,especially if the conversation lasts more that 10 seconds), ol' jealous heart will probably give the closed mouth smile and the head nod. If she's more polite, she'll extend a hand.
*If Craig doesn't introduce (and the conversation is longer than 10 seconds), Craig's got some 'splaining' to do. As soon as you walk off together. "Who is that?....How long ago....?"

But because she had to ask, your answer may not matter. The damage is done.
*If Craig introduces the girlfriend first. She might even give the female friend the teeth smile.
Either way, with women, it can be hard to tell.
If you're the female friend. Please speak to this chick, also. Do your male friend a favor and don't ignore her, like she's not there. save your boy some heartache later.
If you all had sex----it's over. Sorry, it just is. Don't get me wrong, you 'friends' might even still be able to get along fine with out crossing that bridge again, but get a girl/boy friend. Unless they're into threesomes, they're more than likely not going to want to have you hanging around trying to get seconds, thirds, etc... What are they going to do, swap stories? EWW!!!! AWKWARD!!!!
So, there may be some occasions where you have to drop your opposite sex friends. The love interest will get jealous. It doesn't even matter if they meet the old friend. Some people just don't share well,

even if it is just an e-mail or phone call, or a run-in on the street. Again I say, que sera, sera!
Then again, I knew this guy. He was a friend.....er...with benefits. He got mad because I shared my... er... benefits... with someone else and he didn't speak to me for almost a whole year. Meanwhile, he was embarking on a relationship, before he got mad and stopped speaking to me.

I was mad at him for BEING mad at me. Dude!!!! You had a girlfriend...that I didn't know about. I should be NOT speaking to YOU. I'M A FREE AGENT!!!!
We weren't on the same page obviously. I was....er.... sharing my benefits package.... with him, who was my friend. But he, on the other hand was trying to move from the friend zone. The problem was, when was he going to tell me?
SEE!!!! You gotta be on the same page or it doesn't work.
I'm all for keeping it real with friends and lovers.
If you are in a relationship and you do not wish to communicate with your friends of the opposite sex, then just say so. Granted you may lose a friend, totally,  over some bullshit like that---at least you were honest and who can fault honesty.
Establish trust in your relationship, if you haven't got trust, why the hell are you there? If you can't trust Craig to just speak to another female in public--smacking your lips and rolling your eyes. OR You think that every dude that Stacey speaks to had to have hit that, then you need to get it together. Really!!!
If your mate doesn't want you communicating with the opposite sex and you agree to that, then don't do it. 'Cause if you get caught sneaking around after the fact, It will be worst.
Relationships are difficult to form in the first place. Some of you are still working on the basics, getting to know someone, before you give them your pin number to your debit card, finding out last names, and actually going out on a date. Some of you haven't even mastered the friendship, before you already "go together".
So, unless you are already on the same page in what ever kind of "ship" you are involved in, be it friend, companion, relation. That extra unattached person, can be yet another potential hurdle, unless you and your mate, and the friend are on the same page.

If you are, then as long as friends stay friends---it shouldn't be an issue.


...and I'm spent.

Welcome to the House of Kane!
Ms. Kane if you're nasty!

Dating Deserters

Which is worst?
1. Having someone break up with you or end what ever dating you were doing, suddenly without notice
or
2. Having someone break up with you or end what ever dating you were doing, with a vague reason or excuse that you don't understand.
There are no, right or wrong answers here.  Both ways can be equally heart-breaking and upsetting. Both are also cowardly ways to deal with relationship matters.  So, either way you are a punk if you approach your relationships with either of these tactics.  Let me break down the proof...


Tactic number 1, "Having someone break up with you or end what ever dating you were doing, suddenly without notice," only makes the situation worst.  Obviously your relationship wasn't going so well, already.  First of all, you really must not have been as into the person as you let on to end the relationship this way, which makes you a conniving liar, which is not a good trait. If you were, the last thing you would want to do is, cause the person whom you claim to care about more pain and frustration than the break-up is already causing.  Secondly, you're of no help to the emotional growth of this person.  If they were already a jerkface, now they're probably going to be an even more of a bitter jerkface to the next person, because of what you did to them.  Have you ever heard of a woman scorned?  Well, the woman may not have been scorned had she learned from a healthy break-up, and not a sudden disappearance from a punk bitch.
Here's an example:
You: "We need to talk."
Them:  "Okay...What's wrong?
You:  "I just don't think I want to continue this relationship.  You're…blah, blah, blah... and I'm…blah, blah, blah... I just don't think it will work out in the long run, etc…. Or I don't want to wait and see if it will work out in the long run, etc….."
Them: (They might ask why, plead for another chance, assure you to give it another try, cry, scream, try to hit you, etc…)
But here's the thing, when everything is all said and done, at least they will know why the relationship ended. 

They won't have to agonize over why, and wonder if it was their fault, and what's wrong with them.  They will KNOW. 

And like G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle.

Third, people have got to stop treating people like expendable items.  You kind of have to treat relationships like long interviews. So, okay, the relationship is over, it's like; you didn't get the permanent position.  The least you could do is leave on a good note.  If you leave without ever even saying thank you, or good day, or something like that, it will be that much harder for you to be reconsidered for the position, no matter how much you upgrade.  You might as well have just tipped your interviews desk over, threw the furniture around, smooshed the interviewer in the face, presented your ass (mooned) and stormed out going,

"Fuck this job.  I didn't want to work here anyway!" 
That, in essence is what you are saying to your ex-girl or boyfriend, by becoming a magician and disappearing like that--- just leaving them hanging --- I don't care about you.  I never cared about you.  You don't/didn't mean shit to me. I'm out!
That's a terrible way to make someone feel, especially if you ever showed any sort of care about them in the first place.
And if your paths ever cross again, do not expect a good reference.

Don't be mad if the next girl is just 6 degrees of separation from your ex, and your ex decides to throw so much salt in you game your cholesterol goes up.
Tactic number 1, "Having someone break up with you or end what ever dating you were doing, with a vague reason or excuse that you don't understand," is just as bad as number 1.  It does pretty much the same thing; additionally it causes a great deal of stress.  Not only does the person have to deal with the lost of the relationship, they also have make sense of the nonsense of bullshit (because if it doesn't make sense, then it pretty much IS bullshit.
These are all true stories. Absurd break up reasons. ( I actually know these people or parties involved)
I know of a guy who broke up with a girl by saying, "I just… don't really have time…and you know… "(and yeah, he never finished the you know part) This was after they had been together for almost 6 years. After six years, that didn't really make sense to her.  It wasn't as if either of their schedules had changed to reflect absolutely no time—so naturally, she figured it was bullshit.  But why?  You don't really have time?  What???---time TODAY?  This week?  Time to call? Time to go out?  Time for love? What!!!?  You need a watch??? What????  Why, at the 6 year point and not at maybe the first month---what changed?  This is the type of stress bullshit excuses put people through.  She was left to ponder why it ended, was it her fault, what was she doing, etc….. See, a lot of unnecessary stress.
Even more absurd than that was one of my friends whose boyfriend broke up with her because, (his words) "I don't like your cat!" 

 (Her thoughts) "What???--- You don't' like my… pussy?"  No he actually didn't like the fucking fur ball that sat on the windowsill. 

What kind of shit was that---what is this Seinfeld?  Were you in the relationship with the cat or the female?  And so, of course she refused to believe that it was just the cat, and she's stuck wondering what the "real" problem was, and or what the hell the cat did.  Did it bite him or scratch him while I wasn't looking.  Did it try to steal his breath? Do cats really do that? Is he superstitious? What????
Or
There was another one of my friends, who stopped communicating with a man because his shoes leaned to the side.  He treated her well, but his busted shoes were a deal breaker.  What the fuck? How shallow!!!! Only thing is she didn't tell him this.  She opted for tactic number 1, and just stopped calling and returning his calls.  After he wined and dined her for a month, she left him hanging.  Now, he and his busted shoes are probably out dogging some new female. 

Sad cycle.

Now, please forgive me if you were/are being truthful and you truly believe you had/have to discontinue the relationship because of the cat, the busted shoes, or  because your watch broke or whatever!!!  But, allow me to say this----

You are an asshole and a jerkface!  If you were/are that shallow, don't even embark on relationships with these types of people from the jumpstart, I'm sure you knew they had a fucking cat.  And if you bailed on a relationship for a cat or some other dumb shit like that, you're just and idiot and a jackass, and maybe you should just stay by yourself, because you don't know how to communicate with normal people. Fucking weirdo!!! Or at least let the person know up front.  


and I'm spent!

Ms. Kane if you're nasty

1-800 HOT (reblog Oct. 07)

Have you ever seen these 1-800 Sexy Singles or Lavalife, Live Links, Quest, Interactive Male or whatever kinds of party, chat and meeting hotlines?

I'm sure you've seen at least one, but I had to ask that question, because there's always someone who says they don't watch t.v.
Some of them are chat lines, some of them have a message box system where you can call people back who leave you messages. Anyway, if you ever actually pay attention to them, you might notice something.
They always claim to be the ultimate connection to the hottest, sexiest singles.  Then, the commercial action shows some allegedly hot person calling and meeting some other hot person , who also happened to call.
But... they're selling this to the average viewer, which could be anyone below average, average, or exceptional.  There could be anyone on the line.  You're calling to meet sexy hot singles in YOUR area. But, perhaps, when you call:
You:
 or
think you're calling:
 or
When in reality, you:
 or
are possibly/probably talking to:
 



Can't trust it!!!

Who is STILL calling these numbers anyway?

Cheese Graters For Your Feet (Reblog Dec. 07')

Last night I saw the most hilarious television commercial.  It was for something called the Ped Egg.  I guess the ped stands for pedicure, and it's shaped like an egg.

check out the site: www.pedegg.com

...go ahead... I'll wait.....

Did you see it? Did you watch the commercial?
The Commercial shows on the website, also. 
First, let me give you my disclaimer:
I am in no way endorsing this product, nor am I negating it.

I'm just telling you what's there and how funny and gross it is.
The Funny:
First off, I know that they have things like this in regular beauty supply stores all over the place,
 

They're like cheese graters for the feet!

but they just have regular handles not smooth palmable smooth eggs. 
I guess the ped egg is an egg shape, so that you can hold it in your palm easily.  It's sliced in half and the top smooth half is the part that you hold in your hand.  On the other side of the top egg half is a cheese grater looking thing, that you shave your crusty foot with, while the part you're holding in your hand collects your foot chips.  

Eeeeeeew!!!!!!!!
What have you been doing all of this time anytime that you need to grate the bottom of your foot? 

What are you a hobbit?

Ylack!!!!!

On the commercial they actually show someone emptying beige-like flakes into a trash can! 

 Ugh!!!!

How gross!!!
There's something fishy a foot grater that won't bust a balloon, but it could peeal a thin layer of an orange peel and shave all your foot crust off.
Then,  they tell you that you can get the ped egg and some Miracle Foot Repair Cream (a $30 value for $10).  I guess you would need some foot repair after you slice off your dry ass feet with some jagged metal.
Overall, I found myself laughing alot during this commercial, except for the emptying of the foot chips.  The first scene shows someone slicing through some panty hose, while tryin to put them on. Who does that? Those are either some really cheap stockings or some sand paper, steel wool feet.
But, I'm not a hater. Telebrand Corp, go ahead and get your money!!!  Just know:  The feet chip emtying is gross and I'm not buying that you could shave an orange, somebody's aligator textured foot, but not bust a ballon.



...that is all.


BLOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Blogosaurus Rex has spoken!!!!!

GET OFF! (Figuratively & Literally-- Re-blog Jan 08')

Everybody loves a quickie!!!

Well, I don't know really, but a lot of people do. It satisfies sexual urges—the primal need for immediate sexual gratification or release, if you know what I mean.  It can be especially rewarding during those required quick episodes that are high on adrenaline—you know the ones where there's an element of surprise or the suspense of being caught. 

But, when it comes right down to it, exactly HOW MUCH time do you need to GET OFF?

Most men, well alot of them at least,  generally don't need much to be satisfied.  The sack fills up, the blood rushes to the head.  They get their pressure and friction on with the one-armed handcrank, or a mouth, vagina, anus, pie, or whatever and WALLAH!!!!---Happy ending.  And yeah, it may not be so simple for all guys, but a lot of them. Women, on the other hand are a little more complicated.  I'm not talking about your above average porn star, who can come on cue and squirt and the whole nine; I'm talking about your everyday woman.   It's not like a woman gets aroused, and all she has to do is tweak her nipples a couple of times and ---Ohhhhh!!!! ...Niagara Falls!!! NOT!!!!! 

Stuff like that only happens in those hilariously corny soft core porn, with the saxophone and keyboard synthesizer demo music, late at night on Skinem….er…Cinemax or HBO or whatever other premium movie channels you have.

However, some people are marathon lovers.  It's not just a sex act, it's a production, complete with fireworks (figuratively speaking) and possibly an encore or two…or three..

A friend of mine asked me, what is up with the "all night long" thing? I believe his exact words were: "What is the real meaning of the term ALL NIGHT LONG" ya'll bammas know good and well that even the poonany needs a break here and there. all night long... man I tell ya... LOL" 

So I guess he wants to know why women expect a man to do like the energizer bunny and keep going and going and going, all night long, in the bedroom.

Man-friend, you're right!  Poonany DOES need a break sometimes, but not just for the sake of having one—for specific reasons.  It CAME, it saw, and was conquered and needs to recover, or something happened to fuck up the mood---a pious relative walking in on you or the prophylactic breaks.  Maybe the love boat has run it's course, you know---the ship has sailed and the thrill is gone, the well has run dry,

"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." -Joni Mitchell never lied.

Note to Fellas:  Sometimes you can work through the rough spot (maybe you have the fan on and poor puss is cold or something), and if you work it right, the waterworks might start working again.  But if it doesn't---STOP!!!!  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  S-T-O-P, STOP!!!!!!   That shit hurts!!!!! The screams don't mean that you're killing the cat figuratively; they mean you're killing the cat LITERALLY.

And, NO SPITTING!!!  I saw this on a porn once.  EWWW!!!  You gotta know that saliva mixes in, during the oral experience, but outright HACKING on someone is fucking disgusting and disrespectful, and even worst when you're naked.  Plus, it could get you kicked in the face, just from auto-reflex.  DON'T DO THAT!!!

Back to the message: Poonany does need a break, sometimes.  But poonany, usually doesn't need as much time to recover as the dick.  Remember WE don't have to get hard.  Our stimulation is as much mental as it is physical.  If you talk right or touch right, we could possibly be juiced up in a matter of and hour, minutes, or moments.

I polled about 46 women I know, who are Latina, African- American, White, African, Italian, mixed heritage.  They're from D.C., Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Boston, Texas, The Carolinas, Florida, Chicago, Kentucky, California, Brazil, and Michigan----so you cannot just put it on where there from.  They are between the ages of 22 and 35, some have children and some don't.  Out of those 46 women, only 18 said that they needed to have it all night long, 12 said they only needed anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or so.  The others said it pretty much depended on a case by case scenario.

Based on their responses, to answer the question:  I don't think it's so much that women have to have sex all night long, some women just enjoy continuous stimulations. 

PUMP, PUMP, SWIVEL, just ain't gonna cut it.   You, with your swollen head and heavy balls, all you have to do is thrust and release, with an enclosed hand, mouth, vagina, butt, blow-up-Betty doll, whatever you're into…then  your dick is like a super hero, it goes back to it's lair, until the next episode.  Women don't have just the one specific thing that they need stimulated, in order to orgasm or in laymen's terms bust a nut, and everyone is different.  

In all seriousness, as much you would like to claim you hit it and know it so well, you may not EVER hit the "G-spot!!!"  That is, if you, male or female, even believe it exists. In either case, you might or you might not, but it's a gamble.  But, trust and believe that there are far more places on a woman's body that you have to stimulate, in order to coax a woman to satisfaction.  Plus a lot of women enjoy the intimacy, the touching, the kissing, the massaging;

even the ass smacking, hair pulling, and dirty talking.

So, I don't know these women are who my friend is dating, demanding to have sex all night long.  Granted, there are women who want to have sex all night long, most of the women who I spoke with who desired this said that it wasn't just sex that they wanted all night, but fun and stimulation---oral sex, kissing, massaging, toy playing, and repeated acts.  They want a full sexual experience, not just a sex act.

Another thing:  If you find that you partner always wants more at the end, maybe that means they have a voracious appetite or you left your mission incomplete.

 

NOTE TO FELLAS: Remember. Just because you busted a nut, it doesn't mean we did.

I will repeat myself that communication is the key.    Not saying that you have to bark out commands, 'cause that's a mood breaker.  But, you and your partner should know what kind of festivities should be expected in the bed, prior to getting in to the bed.  If your partner is vanilla and only likes an in-out missionary motion, don't expect heated massage oils, ticklers and butt plugs in the bedroom, DUH!  And vice versa.  If you knew all of this before hand, then you wouldn't be shocked when you partner is ready for more, or not ready for more. 

People need to stop playing coy and be realistic about what and how they want it, if they really want to be satisfied in the bedroom.   If you're not comfortable enough to express this with that person, then maybe you should not be fucking them.

So, the moral of this story, EVERYONE isn't demanding sex all night long.  SOME people are, and maybe even a lot sometimes.  But, if both people are willing to give their partners what they need  in order to "get off," well then maybe they will. 

GOOD NIGHT!!!!

...and I'm spent.

Blogosaurus Rex

Ms. Kane if you're nasty!!!

Fashion Don't FOR ALL (Re-blog Mar. 08')

I noticed something.  NOBODY can wear long sleeved red shirts with white collars EVER.

Why?  Because they look like one of two things all of the time Gilligan or Fat Albert.  Obviously if you’re skinny, you’ll look like Gilligan and if you’re heavy set, you’ll look like Fat Albert.  Do yourself a favor, spare yourself the jokes and just don’t do it. 
 
...and definately never where it with a white sailers hat  or tucked in with jeans an white Chuck Taylor Converse....unless it’s Halloween or you just like to be snickered about.

BEAT IT UP...Re-blog 08' STILL relevant)

Why do some men refer to "beating up the pussy" as a good thing?  Now, I know that "beating it up" doesn't really mean (in most cases-- you never know with some people) applying Floyd Mayweather-typed punches to the female genitalia.  But, when someone calls me on the phone or leans over and whispers to me, "When you gon' let me beat it up?"

Am I supposed to swoon, get all glossy eyed and longingly sigh, "Aaaaaaah, yes."  Apparently I am.   
Okay.... I know  "beating it up" is supposed to be an exciting pleasurable experience for both parties, who will both probably appear to have been beaten up at the end, but...  I guess, I'm just thinking.....
Why the harsh language?
Beat it up?
Makes me think hard, jack rabbit, jack hammer thrusting and pain.
Think about it.
Men are the ones with the "hard" ware, so to speak and women have the "soft' ware.  See.
Why beat up something that is already soft?  If you've run into a hard one, then someone's got some 'xplaining to do. 
If anything, maybe women should be "beating' men's hard ass dicks up.   If a woman called a man on the phone or leaned over and seductively whispered, "When you gon' let me beat that dick up?" What would the man think?  I asked a couple, and it doesn't sound as appealing this way around (not even to me).... then again most men probably only would hear " .... let me... that dick?"
...and as long as you want to do something to their dicks, then it's probably pretty much game on from there.
Now, in the heat of passion, during, the "handling" of the pussy, during dirty talk or whatever, things like beating it up could come up, that's not a problem at all, but I'm just saying,  initially, THAT language might seem a little harsh.  It's like asking someone to dance, by saying, "Let me hold onto  your waist and pound your ass from behind, in rhythm to the song playing" rather than just asking  "would you like to dance."  Women know at least 7 times out of ten that that's what's going to happen, but they might refuse you if you say it in the first manner.
There's so many other more audially pleasing things to say to the beholders of the pussy.
massage the...
rub the...
stroke the...
kiss the... 
play with the...
You see where I'm going with this?

paid for by

 the Coalition to Protect Beaten up Pussies.

 No pussies were harmed in the writing of this blog.


..and I'm spent.

Blogosaurus  Rex
Ms. Kane if you're nasty!

Being in a relationship: Nature or Nurture's Desire

Is desiring to be in a relationship something that's determined by nature or nurture?

I think it's BOTH

Nature: the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing
Nurture: the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism (training, upbringing)

Every time I bring up the fact that I don't date, I'm not "seeing" anyone, haven't been "seeing" anyone EVER, and don't have... er... intimate activities regularly, people always start kind of feeling a kind of pity towards me. They say... "Girl, you better do... this... that... the other ..." It's as if they're saying it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. But, by who's standards are they basing this? I know it's "NORMAL" for adults to want to date and have relations, etc... and I also guess, it's "NORMAL" to actively seek out these things regularly. However, it's not a requirement. We are NOT all made the same. Why must something be WRONG with ME, because I don't?

I believe it depends on both your nature and your nurture. I have neither of the key characteristics of either of those things. Coupled with a habitual self-bashing sense of self-consciousness and low self-esteem, it is DEFINITELY NOT in my nature to be actively or aggressively, or even passively seeking anyone. I'm pretty sure being heavily criticised and ignored in my "nurturing" environment may have something to do with this. I figure if, someone likes me they will let ME know, if not, then I am perfectly fine with being alone, as I HAVE been all this time. Even, if I wasn't fine with being alone, I still WOULDN'T actively seek anyone out.

I definitely wasn't nurtured to seek relationships. Neither of my parents ever told me anything about male/female relationships, and how they're supposed to be or even how they are made. If anything, observing by default, because I live with them, the only thing they taught me, is that they DON'T WORK and it's NOT something you want to get into. Further, I was never allowed to talk to boys, per my mother's orders. Anyhoo, as a result, I still don't know how to approach relationships. I never learned, wasn't nurtured to do so. The the thing is, I don't even care... cause it's not in my nature.

So maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm single I'll say: "Because I lack the nature and nurture to pursue one."

Social Media Friendship Debaucle: How TWO tweets cost me a friendship

There was once a pop song in the 1980's by an artist called Tiffany, titled, "I think We're Alone Now." the verse went, "I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around." Apt observation Tiffany, however, in the 21st century, you'd think you're alone, because you don't see anyone, but YOU'D BE WRONG.

In the age of Internet, IP addresses, social media, text, and now screen shots of texts,

etc...... and all kinds of digital footprints one leaves behind, someone is ALWAYS WATCHING, so I've learned.

I learned this the hard way. Well, not really the HARD way, but a significant way no less. I've made it a habit to leave quite the literary digital footprint on the world wide web, rather the Internet if you will. I've kept a blog or several for at least 6 years now, jotting down everything from musical reviews and editorial critiques, to poetry, humorous real life accounts, and vents, the latter of which seems to have resulted in this relationship end.

I thought I was just tweeting my thoughts, when my thoughts came back at me as if I had flung them like boomerangs. I keep a lot of things to myself or I muddle over them repeatedly. That's how I do. That's who I am. I talk to myself when there is no one to talk to... and sometimes when there is. Is there something wrong with that? Apparently the problem occurs when someone else can hear... in this case see them.

Idle hands, and an idle mind can be the devil's playground. I got a little bored while out recently and my mind began to wander, so I took to social media, Twitter to be exact to occupy myself, as I do these days. I came, I twittered, I closed the app. However, while on Twitter an event happened. It bothered me. I Twittered 2 TWEETS referring to how I felt about it. The next day, I awoke to to find 4 texts (continuations of each other), in all caps no less, which equates yelling to me, saying:

"DON'T TWEET ABOUT ME," "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING THROUGH THIS," "THIS HAS CAUSED DRAMA"....

I was confused, for several reasons;

1. YOU FOLLOW ME? O_O

2. HOW DO YOU (or anyone for that matter) KNOW WHO/WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT? (I used NO names, places, etc... and contrary to your obvious arrogance I don't talk about you much)

3. HOW DO MY VAGUE, NON-DIRECT, R

ANDOM TWEETS CAUSE YOU DRAMA?

I never got the answer to any of those questions. Just a stern talking to, like I was a child, via text, with the command "DON'T TWEET ABOUT ME!"

Honestly of all the tweets I've ever posted, EVER, and I've been on Twitter almost 3 years now, over 23,500 tweets; only 3 have ever been about this person. Two from that night and one from about a month ago.

Well, this person would hear, rather, read, nothing of this, since they refused to answer the phone, only text, which eventually they also refused to answer. They were dead set that somehow I was being juvenile for, in a sense, saying how I feel or what I think on Twitter. The nerve of me to Tweet MY life, MY thoughts, MY feelings, etc... on MY TWITTER. GEEZ! The library of Congress, who keep all tweets, don't even interfere with what people tweet.

Then, they unfriended me on Facebook, unfollowed me on Twitter.

Now, who's juvenile? ...It's not even National Unfriend Day yet.

unequal

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. At least that's what they say. Yet who is this "they" who say this? I believe it is the very people who believe otherwise that usually say this. They will tell you that YOU are not being fair or equal, yet, be the very ones who behave unequally or unfairly toward others.

They will ask you to be truthful, yet never be fully honest.
They will ask that you confide in them, yet never fully divulge their thoughts.
They will ask you to be open and accepting, yet unwilling to give themselves away.
They will ask you questions, yet not give answers.
They will hold you to your word, yet not keep theirs.
They will claim to be there for you, yet not be available when you need them.

SO... Is what's good for the goose, also good for the gander? Or is the gander never good enough for the goose?

The DTF or DTS Ratio (for the sensitive): What’s YOUR number?

The DTF (or DTS) is the Date-to-F*ck Ratio or Date-to-Sex Ratio.
It is essentially a comparison of the amount of dates one goes on to the amount of sexual contact consented to.

In “lay” man’s terms, DTF is how many dates you go on, before you or in order to get it in, have sex, give it up, yadda, yadda, yadda, so on, and so forth.

How many dates, outings, meet-ups, get togethers, hang outs do you need to go on with a person before you deem them worthy of sexual contact. Then, after the initial contact, does that open the flood gates, meaning are they automatically entitled to a smorgasbord of sexual activity? OR Do the meetings in the bedroom depend on how much MEETING has been done outside the bedroom?

Example: You go on 3 dates, then have a sexual excursion. Then you don’t go out for like…hmm… 3 weeks. Does the person still have access to the tang/wang or do they have to make some more P-payments in the form of dates?

Are you a:

1:1— 1 Regular date/outing ONLY: then 1 sex date (repeat or floodgates open)

3:2— 3 Regular dates/outings ONLY: then 2 sex dates (repeat OR floodgates open)

or maybe you’re even some type of combo

like:

2.5:1— 2 Regular dates ONLY/1 date that will end in sex: then 1 sex date (repeat or floodgates open)

*Of course there can be outside factors that may affect one’s DTF/DTS ratio, i.e. virginity, celibacy, pregnancy (possibly, depending on the person), other, etc…

So… what’s your DTF RATIO?

F*CK YOU Very Much Thank you letter to *ssholes

Thank you Kanye West, for writing “Runaway”, with that awesome hook:

“Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can”

I know a lot of those types, and I’m sure that I am those types to quite a few people, but thanks for putting it out there and motivating me to write this letter, as a toast of some sort to “Everyone of them that I know.”

Dear YOU,

I hate you, kinda, well I don’t hate you. My grandmother said don’t hate people, hate their ways, so let me start over…

Dear YOU,

I hate your ways! Your ways made me hate me… well my ways. So fuck you! I hate your way of making me feel like I was doing too much and not doing enough, and being too much and not being enough and just being too… ME. I just want to let you know that um… er…. Uh…F*CK YOU!

F*ck YOU! For pretending to want to be with me, ‘cause you thought you were going to SMASH. Oh but---- how did that work out for ya? You talk to much, word got back to me and, NO HAPS!

F*ck YOU! For going out of your way to do things for everybody else (who don’t matter) then having the nerve to be always looking for ME to do something for YOU!

F*ck YOU! For going hard, bad mouthing me behind my back (oh yeah, my friend told me) when I didn’t know who the fuck you were. My feeling were really hurt, because I didn’t know why (I was the NICEST person EVER back then). I let you slide, but just so you know. F*CK YOU!

F*ck YOU! For pretending you liked me, when you were really just trying to get at my friend. THAT was really dirty of you. And you wonder why all of YOUR relation ships are fucked up now!

F*ck YOU! For using the L word, when you didn’t mean it. Just, so you know I didn’t either, ‘cause I knew YOU didn’t. YOU thought you were getting over, didn’t you? Little did YOU know.

F*ck YOU! For trying to make me think that I was asking for too much, when actually, I never ASKED YOU for anything.

F*ck YOU! For leading me on and tell me what YOU THOUGHT I wanted to hear, when you could have just told the truth—especially when I was asking direct questions.

F*ck YOU! For believing your friend, and looking at me side-ways when he said I was-- “SHORTY WILD!” when I had honestly NOT done anything. Yet, YOUR FRIEND was the one who was WILD, and when I told you what he was doing and what HE failed to mention, you STILL looked at me sideways.

F*ck YOU! for telling me ONE thing about the relationship, then introducing me as “Erica” (Thanks Steve Harvey—I never knew til “Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady)

F*ck YOU, & YOU, & YOU, &YOU! For trying to get with me after you tried to get with my friend first and she turned you down! What kind of shit is that? And you wonder why I could never take you seriously.

F*ck YOU! For holding a grudge against me for my single behavior, when YOU had a girlfriend, who I found out about by chance

F*ck YOU! For acting like I have to disclose all of my friends, dates, etc… with you, when I don’t know any of that about YOU

F*ck YOU! For trying to come back to me, and make me the side chick. What the f*ck do I look like?! If you've moved on MOVE ON!! BYE B*TCH!

F*ck YOU! For implying that I don't communicate enough, when YOU don't either.

F*ck YOU! For not taking the opportunity to be with me when you had the chance, and then talking to me about “could have/ would have/ should have.”

F*ck YOU! For being with every other chick, then getting an attitude with me, because you SEE me talking to a dude.

F*ck YOU, For being in my face on the phone and from behind closed doors, but waving at me from a distance in public.

F*ck YOU! For being such, a douchebag, asshole, scumbag, jerkoff… that I felt the need to write this letter

F*CK YOU!

I guess I should really be saying thank you, ‘cause now that I know all of this, I’m better off. So I’ll just combine the two, and say F*ck you very much! That is all.

Sincerely,

Erica

Ms. Kane, if you’re nasty!

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog about a guy who was selling "shrimps, steaks, and ribs," according to him, as this was the advertisement he yelled r

NO MEANS NO!...and so does stop, don't, get the f**k off of me!

So the subject has been brought up, AGAIN, about rape and whose fault it is. This is my blog and I can only give you my opinion, so..... um...

I'm gonna go with the rapist. I think it is the rapists fault any way around. If you consent to sexual activity with someone, and the other party, just before you reach the OH-Town,

says "NO" or "STOP" or any other variation that DOESN'T mean continue doing what you're doing, and YOU DON'T, and that person accuses you of rape/forcing them against theire will, well.... my friend....or foe... You are a rapist. Also, I don't think the person who let you get started and then told you "no" is at fault. The person who doesn't back off when it's time to is.

I don't think it matters what they person is wearing either. People get butterball naked under medical gowns, that doesn't give a doctor the right to violate them. People dance, naked on stages, poles and sometimes laps, it still does not give anyone one else the privilege to violate their bodies. Even if you are paying someone, it's a business arrangement. If they decide they dont want to do business with you anymore, then you just can't TAKE IT ANYWAY. If it's legal (sex-- only in Arizona, in the U.S.A.), you could always take them to small claims court if you're that pressed for the money back guarantee.

I don't care. I DON'T THINK THAT ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO GO AGAINST SOMEONE'S WILL AND HAVE SEX WITH THEM.

Even if they are stark naked on any type of MLK Ave., Blvd., Parkway, Street (For those who don't know, it has been an ongoing joke, that although MLK,Jr. stood for nonviolence, it seems as though in many cities the most notoriously violent areas occur around or on roadways named after him.) or YOUR BED, it STILL does not give you the right to violate their body, and rape/sexually assault/molest/etc... them.

That goes for everyone. We teach children all the time to keep their hands to themselves, yet just because people surpass puberty, they think they can surpass rights. GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!!!

I'm speaking on males and females. I attended a party at someone's home, where they provided both male and female exotic dancer entertainment. While the male, was performing, at one point his face was covered where he could not see. During that time, much to the shock,awe, and horror of the guests who were viewing closest to the side of the room where his... ah.... package...

lay, a woman grabbed his.... package and placed it in her mouth. It happened quickly, but STILL, IT HAPPENED. This may see like a trivial, unimportant, maybe even pleasant act to some men. But it was NOT, any of those things to the male exotic dancer. He jumped up in a shocked manner, but continued to perform, as he didn't exactly know what happened, since he did NOT see. After his performance, when my friends and I asked about the incident, he was quite shocked and a little bothered. He had not invited anyone to touch him, and especially not put their MOUTH on it. Just like people think they don't want what strippers may or may not have; the strippers might not want what YOU have or may not have EITHER!

So just like any scantily clad female, a scantily clad male, even though he might LITERALLY BE ASKING FOR IT, is still not up for grabs for anyone having their way with them against their will.

The bottom line is NO means NO. I know there are some simple people out there who would argue that sometimes "they" don't say "no." Don't be stupid though, you KNOW when a person is objecting to something.

The other day my friend's son was trying to grab a package off of a shelf in a store. He's a baby! He doesn't even talk yet. " I told him "No, " he stopped. Of course he tried again... cause he's a baby. I said "Ah-Ah," and guess what? He stopped. Even a baby knows that just because the word/words are different, they mean the same thing--DON'T DO IT!!!

So I don't want to hear the bullsh*t excuses about what SHE was wearing, and what SHE, was drinking, and WHAT she was doing--- if she says NO, then BACK THE F**K OFF, chalk it up as a loss, and go about your business!

Any OBJECTION means NO or the makings of something alluding to the fact that the person does NOT want you to continue doing what you are doing-- "Stop," "I changed my mind...," " I don't want to"... it's all the same.

And if SHE can't respond, because:

you slipped her a mickey--- RAPE

she's too doped up/drunk--- RAPE

passsed out/unconscious --- RAPE

An unresponsive person CAN'T give consent.

Example:

The kids at my job constantly ask me for things, and to do things, then before I can even answer they're doing stuff. Then when I get mad-- -they don't understand.

They say: "Well, I asked you if I could..."

To which I respond: " Well, did I answer?"

Their answer: is always "No."

And there you have it, in that order.

No answer-- means NO! NOT GO!

Take it back to elementary/primary school!

Keep your hands to yourself.

...and I'm spent!

Ms. Kane if you're nasty!